Big C's First Illness, House Changes, and Nostalgia All @ 22 Weeks Pregnant

I had the hubs take my computer apart and put it into storage while my floors were being refinished back in September. It's still there in storage. So, I'm using the laptop now while my darling boy takes a nap.

So many things have been going on over the last 6 weeks or so. Rearranging the house, specifically the kitchen. Putting things in storage while taking stuff out to replace it. Coupled with the everyday routine and weekend hullabaloo, it gets hectic and I find myself wondering where the day week month went. Time is flying. I just never seem to have enough of it.

On the house front, my floor turned out great and I'm really happy with them. The thing that sucks is that Cliff is a never ending source of hair that is dropped onto it all day long. The upside...it's not being trapped in carpeting. It's a lot of cleaning, but it easier to clean...if that makes sense. We went out and bought a Shark Pocket Mop steamer to run over the floors when I'm feeling psycho and must have the floor sanitized. Got it at a great deal from Bj's. It's was 99 bucks, at least 20-40 bucks cheaper than Wal-Mart and Target wanted. I love it, it rocks. It does the job and I feel safer about having Big C zooming across the floors.

Speaking of Big C. He is 10 and a half months old and I wonder where the time has gone. It seems like it was only yesterday I was rocking him and singing him a lullaby to sleep, listening to his little "mews" as he drank his bottle and delighted at his dimples when he worked his best at those first smiles. I still delight at his dimples. But I long for the moments of just holding him, rocking him, singing him to sleep and breathing him in at every chance I had. He is now at the age where he isn't into being held as much, wriggles about, wants down and is into everything. I knew this time would come. Only, I didn't know it would come so soon. Sure, there are moments when he lets me snuggle him up and rock him, sing to him and breathe him in. But more often than not the attempts are met with chubby hands grabbing my cheeks and pushing my face away while giggling wildly. And while that is adorable in it's own right....I sure do miss my baby. :-) I find myself looking at pictures or videos of him as a newborn or at 3 months old and bawling my eyes out. Now, it could just be my pregnancy hormones talking, which is likely the case, but I'm finding myself so nostalgic about him and so thankful to God that he has Blessed me with him. He is nothing short of amazing...in every way.

He is all about pulling himself up to standing now. He can crawl like no ones business and is faster than a speeding bullet when on all fours. He can pull himself up on furniture with ease and practices stooping and squatting. All while still holding on. He's has not gotten brave enough to let go and balance yet. But I see the look in his eye, he's getting close. Poor little guy came down with his very first cold on Monday. I have been somewhat of a mess. I mean I have my stuff together, but at the same time I'm a psycho worried momma. Can't help it....he's my baby and this is the first time we've gone through this together. So it's a learning experience for me. OK, not that I have ever known anyone who enjoyed their child being sick, but this just sucks. I feel like a failure (much as I did when my efforts at breastfeeding were thwarted by Big C being admitted into the hospital for bilirubin issues and losing weight) as a parent. My baby is sick and the best I can do is....nothing. I can hold him, comfort him and tell him I love him, but he really just doesn't want to hear it nor does he feel like snuggling. He just wants to cry and be cranky because he feels horrible. And I am helpless. I give him some medicine to help his fever, but that is all I can really do. It's not like he appreciates my suctioning his nose out....he abhors it, thrashing around and screaming, batting my hands away from his face and sobbing. Do you have any idea how that breaks a mother's heart? To know that now you have become the source of your child's anguish? It's bad enough he has a cold but here I am coming at him like a mad scientist with contraptions to suck his brains out and objects that go up his bum and make his belly button feel as though is it might pop out. No wonder he looks at me and cries. I'm a Mistress of Torture to him! And it is very overwhelming. I find myself crying as much as he does. The light at the end of the tunnel came today as he seems to be improving and is willingly eating and drinking and smiling more. Thank you, Lord. :-)

This weekend I have another sonogram scheduled as the first one I had in October lacked the cardiac views and a few others the OB wants redone. In case you are wondering, yes, we know what we are having....a baby! But we don't know the sex yet. The wee one didn't want to cooperate in that area at the time. It may be possible on Saturday, but there is a part of me that would like to have it a surprise. I'll see if I can hold out. ;-) I'm 22 weeks pregnant today and I'm feeling the babe move now, have for a few weeks now. And I have to say, this has to be the absolute best thing about being pregnant, other than knowing you will hold your little darling in your arms when they can no longer fit in your belly! So I am enjoying it immensely right now. I have been having some issues with blood pressure and aching in my wrists and arms. Trouble sleeping is a fact of life now, but I've been there before so it's OK. Just a lot tougher when you have a 10 month old to tend to all day and your only moment of rest is nap time. I knew having babies so close together would be hard, and I'm getting the feeling that right now, taking care of one while pregnant with the other is just a preview of the tough road ahead. I keep thinking that once the baby is born it will be easier because I won't have my pregnancy ailments to hold me back. That being very true, it will be something else at one time or another, I'm sure! But, it's all good and totally 100% worth it. I love my babies!

Well, I need to close for now. My back is freaking killing me, I gotta pee and I hear Big C stirring from his afternoon nap. I'll try to update things in a more timely fashion. But to be honest, even if I had my computer set up....I can barely find the time to sleep and take a shower let alone blog! Until next time!

-MoM-