It's Been A While

It's kind of hard to put into words the past year.  Too many milestones, events all that jazz have happened.  And since I've mentioned numerous times how neglected this poor blog is, well it is no surprise that it's been well, neglected for the past year.

See, I thought I would be able to write down all those cute little anecdotes, sayings, events here in this blog and be able to go back and read it years from now and say, "Oh, I remember that!"  And I will, because I wrote some of it down here.  But, as they say, life happens.  And I'll be honest, I've been too busy living in that life to sit down and write about it.

I have to tell you that I did have plans to sit down and write a catchy little blog post after my kids were blissfully tucked into bed.  I could sit down with a nice glass of wine or even a cup of coffee, relax and write about the things on my mind, what occurred during the day/week or even just to brag about my kid a little!  But seriously?  Who the hell am I kidding?  When I put my darlings, and they really are by the way, blissfully to bed, I too am headed to my bed.  I'm wiped out.  I might have 20 minutes in me to read a little, but that is about it.  To actually sit down and write out a blog post? HAHAHAHAHA yeah, right.  I'm way too brain fried for that.  Not in a bad way either.  So please don't think that I'm saying I'm so exhausted from my children that I can't function longer than 20 minutes after they go to bed.  I am exhausted from living this wonderful life.  A life with my best friend, our two awesome kids, my dad and my brother.  I love this kind of exhausted!

Big C and Little C are doing great.  I know it sounds cliche, but I am so blessed....really!  I deal with the fear, that I'm sure nearly all parents deal with, that I'm not doing something right.  That my kids won't grow up to be good, decent, moral individuals who can think for themselves and choose to do the right thing, no matter the situation.  These are the years that are so impressionable.  I am their example of...well lots of things.  What a human being should be, a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister.  I am their role model.  The person they will choose to emulate and try to become like.  At least for now I am.  That is a huge responsibility.  Little eyes watch me all the time.  I'm not perfect, at all.  I'm like....really, really far from perfect.  So they are already getting a flawed perception of what to strive for.  But I do go to bed at night wondering if I gave them a good example.  If I was a positive role model that day.  Can I do better tomorrow?

And sure, I'd love to write about what runs through my mind. Except, I'm too tired from trying to put those thoughts into action each day.  So while I won't be winning any blog awards or burning up the web with millions of followers waiting with baited breath for the next installment of my life, I will stop here occasionally and write stuff down.  It might not be stuff you want to read about...but hey, it's my blog so neener, neener, neener!  If you are OK with me just blowing in every now and again and jotting something down, then I'm A-OK with you reading it every now and again.

So what have we been up too?  Well.....

Big C is now in kindergarten.  Hard to believe.  I cried on the first day of school when he climbed on the bus.  Like...ugly cried.  And I cried again on the second day too.  And...I still longingly watch the bus at it pulls away everyday.  Don't judge me.

He is also learning martial arts and he's doing really well with it.  So this happened.....

He earned his green belt the end of September.  He will be a green belt for a minimum of 4 months.  He has a lot to learn during that time.  But, I have faith in him.  I absolutely love watching him practice martial arts.  It has really helped him learn to think for himself.


Little C is in PreK.  I also cried, on the same day, just a few hours later when the bus picked her up and took her off to school.  So that is 2 ugly cries in one day for me.  Not a record, but impressive nonetheless.  I stare longingly as her bus pulls away everyday too.  She is also learning martial arts.  She isn't as excited about it as Big C, but she always has fun while she is there.  So this just happened with her........

She has now earned her Distinguished Senior stripes on her white belt.  She looks excited doesn't she?  She wasn't.  I kept telling her to smile.  That was the best she could muster.  I have a love/hate relationship with watching her during practice.  She is 4, so she is still in that rainbows, glitter, unicorns pooping skittles, twirling around and not paying attention phase.  Sometimes I'd like nothing more than to run out onto the floor and tell her to knock it off and pay attention, but of course, I can't.  So, I just cover my eyes, like I'm watching a scary movie (although I totally don't do that with movies, I love scary movies!) and peek at her through my fingers.  Sometimes, she really surprises me!


Oh yeah....this also happened...........

 No, you don't need to adjust your screen.  You don't need your glasses either.  That is K, also taking martial arts!  He decided that not only would it be fun, good to learn and benefit his health, but that now he and the kids have one more thing they can do together!  He just earned his white belt the end of November.  I am super proud of all of them!  This is my crew!  My clan!  My family! I love them!  And this is why I'm so tired!  That my friends, is the best feeling.

So how about you?  Have you thought you wished you had more time to do something, but found you were so busy living life that you just never got to it?  Were you OK with that, or were you disappointed?  Why did you feel that way?

Wordless Wednesday - Cuteness

Wordless Wednesday - I Haz A Sheep

Little C at 5 Months

I can hardly believe that she is 5 months old.  This update is a bit late since she turned 5 months old on the 24th.  I'll try to get her 6mo update closer to the actual date!  She is such a happy little thing.  Smiles constantly.  Day & night difference from those first 3 1/2 months.  Colic & reflux is such a bitch.  It really is.  I'm so glad it is mostly over.  We still medicate for reflux, but it is being managed really well and under control.  So without further delay, here is the update!

What she is wearing:

- 3-6 months can still wear some 0-3 but anything with feet she is busting out of...lol.

- She is wearing size 3 Luvs.
- Huge smiles on her gorgeous little face!

What she is doing:

-Getting up on hands and knees and rocking violently!

- "Talking" to us.  A lot.  She is very vocal!  Lots of coos and babbles & she can get loud too! 

- Smiling.  Big broad smiles, with and without the tongue sticking out.

- Laughing.  Every now and again I can get her going with some deep belly laughs.

- Kicking, reaching, grabbing, shaking and mouthing on everything she can get her hands on.

- Looking at the TV, watching Big C and anything near her.  Her head is on a swivel!

- Snuggling.  Moreso than before, she really likes to be held to your chest and snuggle.

- Gripping items/toys/blankets/burp cloths.

- Pulling her pacifier out of her mouth with her hand & looking at it.  This cracks me up.  She is so intent with the inspection of the paci.

What she is eating:

- Enfamil Nutramigen - 5 bottles - 7ozs. each.

- Prevacid (for reflux) - 4mls 2x daily

What she is growing:

- Finally getting some thicker eyes lashes.  Hoping she gets K's or she'll hate me.  Big C has his father's long thick lashes.

What she likes these days:

- Music -  Especially my singing, but enjoys the music channels on TV and likes the radio too.

- Books - She is very engaged with Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar .
- TV - I usually have to turn it off because she gets distracted and won't take her bottle.

- Getting raspberries on her belly.

- Playing with her feet.

- Me playing with and sniffing her feet and telling her they stink...lol.

- Shaking her rattles, toys that crinkle and jingle.

- Being carried upright since she has much better head control now.

- Still loves her swing, but starting to get bored some days.  She is ready for more action.
- Massages after bath.
- Being swaddled.  I pretty much have to swaddle her every night to get her to go to sleep in her bassinet. Way different from Big C.

What she is saying:

Babbling & cooing up a storm.  No words.

What we are working on:

- Tummy time to strengthen neck muscles.

- Rolling over strengthening back muscles.

- Sitting more upright to practice for when she tries to sit by herself.

- Rocking back & forth on knees

Little C at 4 Months

So I was reading over at I Can Grow People, which I love by the way and saw that Lori is doing monthly updates with her adorable little one.  I thought this was so cool!  So I wanted to start doing them.  I'm not sure I'll be able to do them monthly, but at least I'll be able to do some of the milestone ones!  So, Little C just turned 4 months old!  Pediatrician appointment and vaccines are scheduled.  So here is Little C's 4 Month Update!

I do want to start off by saying that the gas & colic issues are much better since the introduction of Nutramigen formula and Prevacid.  Seriously she is like a new baby.  Still pretty sensitive & somewhat of a Mommy's girl.  She doesn't like when I walk away from her.  But she is beginning to not like anyone talking to her, then walking away.  I think she feels insulted.  She is eating like a horse right now.  Waking up for a 4am feeding, which I thought we had done away with, but she wanted it back, so up I get.  But it's OK...I enjoy our middle of the night girl talks!

What she is wearing:

- Most things at 0-3 months & she still has plenty of room in them for right now.

- She is wearing size 2 Luvs.
- Bibs.  We go through several a day not only from the reflux, but she is a serious drooler now.  I see a tooth in our immediate future.

What she is doing:

- Rolling over!  Both ways & to the left & the right!

- "Talking" to us.  A lot.  She is very vocal!  Lots of coos and babbles & she can get loud too! 

- Smiling.  Big broad smiles, with and without the tongue sticking out.

- Laughing.  Every now and again I can get her going with some deep belly laughs.

- Kicking.  Like a wild woman!  She is batting quite a bit too.

- Demanding attention.  I feel the Dog & Pony Show days approaching!

- Snuggling.  Moreso than before, she really likes to be held to your chest and snuggle.

- Gripping items/toys/blankets/burp cloths.

- Pulling her pacifier out of her mouth with her hand & looking at it.  This cracks me up.  She is so intent with the inspection of the paci.

What she is eating:

- Enfamil Nutramigen - 6 bottles - 5-6ozs. each.

What she is growing:

- She is getting very loooong!  And she's getting more hair...kinda sorta.  Its hard to explain...lol.

What she likes these days:

- Music -  Especially my singing, but enjoys the music channels on TV and likes the radio too.

- Books - She is very engaged with Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar .
- TV - I rarely let her watch television, but she enjoys some of the  Baby Genius shows on our cable On Demand.  J was sitting with her the other night and she was quite engaged in watching Monsters Inside Me with him.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.

- Getting raspberries on her belly.

- Playing with her feet.

- Telling her she has a stinky hiney...hey, as long as she thinks its funny.

- Being carried upright since she has much better head control now.

- Still loves her swing, but starting to get bored some days.  She is ready for more action.
- Massages after bath.
- Being swaddled.  I pretty much have to swaddle her every night to get her to go to sleep in her bassinet. Way different from Big C.

What she is saying:

Babbling & cooing up a storm.  No words.

What we are working on:

- Tummy time to strengthen neck muscles.

- Rolling over strengthening back muscles.

- Sitting more upright to practice for when she tries to sit by herself.

Wordless Wednesday - Because Blankies Are Nom

Wordless Wednesday - Siblings

Wordless Wednesday - The Tortoise & The Little C

Wordless Wednesday - Friend or Fowl

Wordless Wednesday - First Smiles

Little C's Birth Story

I know it's been 12 weeks since Little C was born.  But I've been dealing with a lot of things in the last few months and so I haven't really had the motivation to write it down here until now.  If you've followed my blog at all you will know that we had a c-section scheduled for March 24th.  I'm not going to get into a debate as to whether it was necessary or not.  I have a happy, healthy baby.  That is all that matters to me.  My c-section experiences were wonderful and my recovery was crazy fast.  I healed beautifully the first time and this time I healed just as nicely.  Again, if you've followed my blog at all, you'd know how I felt about c-section versus the VBAC.


K and I decided to bank our baby's cord blood stem cells this time around.  Some people felt we were silly and that it is a waste of money.  Well, that is okay.  It isn't your baby and it isn't your decision and you are entitled to your opinion.  K and I have decided that this is what is best for our family.  We felt it was like life insurance.  Hope you don't need it in your 30's, but glad you do if something happens so your family will not have to take on the burden of such a huge expense.

Wednesday morning, March 24th at 5:30am we arrived at the hospital.  My husband was with me of course, as was Big C, my dad and my brother.  My cousin Ashley arrived a bit later, while we were in the OR.  After checking in and verifying all my pre-registration information, I was taken to a triage room and prepped for my c-section.  IV was started, and my blood was drawn for the maternal draw for the cord blood collection.  After a few minutes my doctor and the anesthesiologist came in to see me and we went over the details of what was going to happen.

After the usual chit chat, it was time to get the show on the road.  I slid out of my bed and kissed my Dad & brother and took my darling boy into my arms and I hugged him and kissed him and told him that I loved him.  It was different this time.  I was excited to see this baby that I have been growing for 40 weeks.  But I was scared.  Scared that I would be leaving my son without his mother if something went wrong.  Its funny how children change your outlook on things.  I slowly began my trek down the hallway to the c-section OR.  A nurse beside me pushing my IV pole, I waddled steadily, my husband walking beside me.

Thoughts began flooding my brain.  Will the spinal go OK?  Will the baby be OK?  Is it a boy or a girl?  Crap, we still haven't decided on a name yet!  OMG...this is really happening now.  Jesus, how did this day come so fast already?  Wait...I don't think I can feel the baby moving anymore.  Oh God, please let this go well and fast!  I want to hold my baby and know it is OK.  I hope Big C is behaving with Dad & J.  OMG...will there be the burning at the incision like it was last time?  Man, that sucked!  Will the cord blood collection go right?  I don't want it to be contaminated and useless.  Did I bring everything?   Please, please PLEASE God keep us safe and healthy.

Yeah....all those thoughts weren't helping keep me relaxed.  In fact, it was giving me more anxiety than I think I had ever experienced.  I felt my chest begin to tighten.  When we arrived at the doors to the OR...I kissed my husband and walked inside as he sat down in the chair outside the door and waited for the spinal to be done.  I sat on the table and the nurse smiled at me.  I remembered her from my last c-section.  She was the one who gave Big C his first bath.

The nurse told me to lean into her and to relax.  I felt the anesthesiologist swab my back and begin poking at my spine.  A few moments later he told me about the sting I would feel...and I did.  No big deal.  So he inserted the needle into my back, searching for the epidural space to inject the fluid that was going to numb my body from the waste down.  My chest is continuing to tighten.  The nurse squeezes my shoulders and tells me to relax again.  I take a deep breath.  I can hear the doctor behind me making sounds as he is trying to hit his mark.  And they don't sound promising.  Beads of sweat being form along my forehead and my legs and back are beginning to ache.  I feel the pinch of a needle pushing into my skin and I wince, but don't dare move.  The nurse again tells me to relax and that everything is going to be OK.  Another pinch.  I feel it 4 more times, but I don't say anything.  I just want this over with.  I see both my OBs standing there...waiting.  The anesthesiologist asks one of the nurses is Dr. So-and-so is in the hospital and can he come down to the OR and give him a hand.  My mind begins racing.  My chest tightens even more now.  OMG...if they can't get this spinal they are going to have to put me under.  No...no, no, no.  I want to hear my baby cry.  I want to know everything is alright right away.  This can't happen like this.  I feel another pinch and then the exasperated breath of the anesthesiologist as he apparently misses his mark...again.

After a few minutes the other doctor walks thorough the double doors.  After some discussion, he comes over and begins pressing on my back.  I'm sweating pretty hard now and the nurse is rubbing my shoulders and telling me things are going to be fine.  Yeah...sure...they haven't been so far.  I feel another pinch, this time from the other doctor.  I wince a little and a few seconds later I feel what resembles an electric shock shoot down my left leg.  I stammer out, "I felt that" and they ask me in which leg and I tell them.  Phew.  Finally, its in.  Egads where the hell was this doctor before?  I didn't have this much trouble with my first child.  This took 30 minutes.  30 freaking minutes!!!  My heart is pounding, my chest is tight and I'm sweating bullets.

They help me to lay down and swing my legs up onto the table before I go completely numb.  Suddenly, I can't breathe.  Not that I can't feel it...but I start having an anxiety attack.  My arms have been strapped down to the table and my neck is hurting.  I can't move to rearrange myself.  I need to move.  OMG...I can't stay like this.  So I tell them that I feel like I can't breathe, my neck hurts....I can't move...I need to move.  I get a bit phobic when I feel trapped.  I start shaking and crying, which only leads to the tightening in my chest and now I am hyperventilating.  The anesthesiologist tries to calm me and tells me he is going to give me something.  One of my OBs rubs my shoulder and tells me I'm feeling like I can't breathe because the baby is squishing my diaphram because I'm now laying flat and that I'll be fine as soon as the baby is out.

I am still crying and all I can say over and over is I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I can't help it.  Please, I'm so so sorry.  They assure me that it is normal and that before I know it the baby will be out and everything will be fine.  Soon I begin to feel my chest relax, my neck stops hurting and although I still feel like I can't breathe well, I am calming down.  I close my eyes and just keep telling myself that soon I'm going to see my sweet, darling baby.  Just a few more minutes and then I'll be so excited about the baby I'll forget about everything else.  The sedative the doc had given me was kicking in.  They finally brought K into the room while they finished prepping me for surgery.  He held my hand, and kissed my forehead.  I told him how I freaked out.  He told me he knew...he could hear it from outside.  Damn.  Now I felt really stupid too.  Stupid for freaking out like I did.  I looked at him and I asked him to just keep talking to me so I didn't start thinking about a million things.

So what is the first thing he says?  "Have you decided on a  name yet?"  I laughed a little.  That is what happens when you wait until 2 weeks before your due date to decide on names for your baby.  You are laying on the table and waiting for your baby to be yanked out, or you are bent over pushing your little bowling ball out while trying to decide on what to call him or her.  Everything went pretty quickly from there.  Before I knew it, I felt some tugging and I was being rocked back and forth a bit.  I heard the sound of the big suction, some soft murmurings of the doctors and the sound of a bulb syringe.  And then it happened.  The most beautiful sound a mother can hear.  The sound of her baby taking that first breath of life outside her womb and then crying.  I was so overcome that I began sobbing like a crazy woman and asking if the baby was OK.  The doctor poked the baby's head over the big blue drape and I laughed and cried at the same time.  Various voices were speaking all at the same time saying the baby was fine and how cute and what a beautiful baby and of course, Happy Birthday!

If you've followed my blog during my pregnancy, you will know that we did not find out the sex of our baby this time around.  We tried in the beginning, but it was hard with a fetus who was camera shy.  K and I were so excited and happy at hearing the baby cry and seeing 10 little fingers and toes that neither of us even bothered to ask the sex.  The doctors were murmuring once again about blood bags and the cord blood collection kit.  They were in the midst of collecting the blood when a nurse came over and asked, "Did anyone tell you what the sex is yet?"  I looked at her and shook my head no.  They carried the baby over to be examined.  The nurse leaned down and she said to me, "It's a beautiful little girl."  At that I fell apart again and cried.  I really didn't care what sex the baby was, I just wanted a healthy baby.  But a girl.  A girl!  I had a boy and now...I had a girl!

I'd like to tell you that instantly I knew what I was going to name her.  But, I didn't.  I had names narrowed down to 2 for a girl and 2 for a boy.  I knew I was going to name her after my mother.  We had it narrowed down to 2 choices.  Later that day it was pretty clear that she was going to be Little C.  My beautiful Little C.  Once we rolled into recovery the first person I wanted to see was Big C, but they wouldn't let him come back.  But my brother and father did come back and each assured me he was doing fine, although tired and starting to get cranky.  That's my boy!

I looked at my husband and I said to him, "We have a daughter."  A daughter.  I now have a son and a daughter.  I thanked God for the beautiful, healthy and amazing children he has blessed me with.  I try to thank him everyday.  I pray that he reminds me just how special I am to have them, how precious they are and to never once take them for granted.

On a side note, the incision did not burn like it did the first time.  In fact, the second c-section was considerably easier than the first.  I wasn't ready to go out and boogie across town or anything, but I had Little C on Wednesday and they told me the earliest I could go home was Friday.  So I did.  I even drove home.  Unfortunately, my first outing, other than taking Little C to the pediatrician was when she was 7 days old to my Uncle's viewing and funeral.  It was pretty much life as usual, except I couldn't pick Big C up...because he weighed like 30 pounds!

So that is it really, in a nutshell.  Little C was born healthy and is amazingly beautiful.  There were a few snags this time, which I really could have done without.  But the ends have justified the means.  I have a beautiful healthy daughter.  She was worth every second of it all.

Wordless Wednesday - Innocent When Guilty

Wordless Wednesday

We're MIA For A Bit

I See You!  Big C was trying to poke at the lens while having his picture taken.  See the little blue eye peeking at you?

 

At least until after Mother's Day.  Hubby's parents are in town from Oregon so the time is being spent with them.  Next postings will be a summary of the happenings over the last 2 weeks...Christening, in-law visit and projects and I might even be able to find time to hammer out Little C's birth story...but we'll see.  But to hold you over until the next posting, I have some photos for you!

 After waking up from a restful nap...contemplating the whims of life.

Someone is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and wanted to say Hello!

Enough with being awake.  Snuggling with the blanket Grandma made especially for her and peepers were closed in no time.

My Lame Attempt To Catch Up

I know I've been absent for a while.  Mostly because I gave birth to this little chubby person 3 weeks ago. 

Well, that and taking care of this little chubby person that I gave birth to 15 months ago.

 
Along with said baby who is a handful herself.  My Little C has gas.  Like...major gas.  She could rival any frat boy's bum.  This in turn makes her extremely unhappy.  I kid you not, her screams...not crying, but her screams are ear shattering.  I'm convinced that I'll be deaf in the right ear if this continues for 3 more weeks because after an hour of said screaming mixed with crying, I can't hear a thing from that ear.

I'll pound out a birth story for Little C at some point, right now I just don't have the energy.  Hey, some of you might want to read it.  It contains having an anxiety attack and hyperventilating in the OR while being prepped for my c-section.  Yeah to the point where I was a might bit hysterical and trying to claw my way off the table....egads...that wasn't supposed to happen!  But, that's for another day.  For right now I'm just going to try to catch up on the other happenings.

A few days after Little C was born, my uncle died.  He was battling cancer of various types, but it was the brain cancer that finally ended his life.  While in recent years I hadn't been super close to him, I was before my Mom died.  He took me fishing where I caught my first fish, bought my brother and I bunnies on Easter and left me with many fine memories.  Like the time while at Easter dinner at their house I had been given a little stuffed chicken who was hatching from an egg.  Uncle Al promptly took it from me, lifted his leg and pretended to fart on it.  I think I was 4 or 5 years old.  I burst into tears and was convinced that he really did fart on my chicken and that now it was going to smell like that fart FOREVER!  My Aunt yelled at him...he laughed, grabbed it once again and again lifted his leg and farted on my chicken.  Everyone laughed and told me he was only kidding.  I was having none of it.  I can only guess that my Aunt was tired of my wailing and took me upstairs to her room where I proceeded to pour nearly and entire bottle of perfume on that chicken.  My Uncle was a character to say the least.  He had a great sense of humor, and the spirit of a mischievous kid.  I'm really going to miss him...alot.  I went to his viewing and the funeral and yes, I brought my kids with me.  My husband stayed at home with Big C during the viewing, but I had to take Little C with me.  I didn't want to leave him home alone with both babies after just 9 days.  All of us attended his funeral.  He loved kids and I know he'd have loved little Little C too.  At this most joyous time in my life, I was forced to deal with something so sad and permanent as death.  It is exhausting being both happy and sad at the same time.

I've also been really concerned about my brother.  A while back I made brief mention of what was going on with him in this entry.  Well, he was in the hospital back in September and had to go back in the hospital again in January.  Although it was only for a week.  He is now going to the wound care clinic to try to get the ulcers on his legs under control.  My brother has chronic venous insufficiency.  In other words, he has lousy veins in his legs which cause poor blood flow from the legs to the heart, which in turns causes severe edema, which leads to the ulcers.  It is a vicious cycle and he went in and had vein ablation done back on March 8th to allow healthy veins to take over in order to alleviate the excessive swelling.  Its been a nightmare from there.  From a hematoma, to suspected blood clot and just when the ulcers were healing up and looking good....new ones have developed.  He has been in a lot of pain with it and the ulcers are equivalent to 2nd degree burns.  He hasn't been able to get around like he used to, which has lead to him being irritable and snappy, which leads to the two of us fighting constantly. *Sigh*

Let's move on to my Dad.  I honestly don't even know where to start there.  But to save a long and drawn out post as this one is getting there already, he has been having health issues as well.  Already diagnosed with Stage 3 chronic kidney disease, he has only recently developed swelling in his legs and feet and it is troublesome.  Because the swelling is really bad.  In fact his doctor called while I have been writing this entry to tell me that the blood tests that were done yesterday are showing the kidney has gotten worse.  However, after being prescribed an antibiotic by his PCP for something unrelated, the Nephrologist wants him to stop the antibiotic and hae the blood test done again on Monday.  I'm worried about him.  I've already lost my Mother.  He is the only parent I have left.  Just now beginning to enjoy being a grandfather to Big C, who adores him BTW, and looking forward to playing with his granddaughter too...I'm so afraid that something will happen to him.  He isn't a spring chicken at 71 years old...but has been in really good health all but for the kidney.  It's bad enough my babies will never get to know the awesomeness that was their maternal Grandmother....I don't want them missing out on knowing their Grandfather as well.

Which brings me to me.  I've been under a lot of pressure lately.  Hormonal changes from having Little C.  My inability to produce sufficient breast milk, despite pumping...a lot.  Only managing 1/4 of an ounce is discouraging to say the least, but I trudged on and made it up to a whole 1/2 ounce per breast.  Which quickly diminished again to a mere dribble.  Sleep deprived.  Little C's constant crying and being unable to poop without me *encouraging* it and being gas bound.  My Uncle dying and then attending his funeral the day before Easter.  My brother and father having health issues.  Oh, and my in laws are coming next week to see the babies.  And we are having Little C baptized next weekend too.  Which I haven't gotten invitations done, or the cake thought about, or favors.  I just barely got the date nailed down.  My in laws are traveling by vehicle the 3000 miles from Oregon.  They wanted to come last year to see Big C after he was born, but then some things came up on their end  and they found themselves unable to make the long trip.  I wanted to have Little C baptized while they were here because it is something special and they've come so far.  I really am looking forward to seeing them.  It's been several years since I have.  I also think it might be a welcomed relief to have a maternal figure around to help.

I've been having what is typically referred to as the Baby Blues.  It's been 3 weeks since Little C's birth and typically the blues go away within a few weeks,  But with everything else I've had going on, mine is probably hanging around a bit longer.  Don't worry...I don't want to harm myself or my babies or anything like that.  I just feel overwhelmed, out of control (mostly because I'm a fixer...I like to fix things and make it all better), inadequate (thank you breasts and my inability to console my screaming baby), guilty (I can't dedicate myself to Big C like I once did, especially since he is now a snot factory and I dunno if it's allergies or a cold and won't take the risk of making Little C sick too), frustrated, inadequate, irritable and completely alone.  I think that part is the worst...feeling so alone because no one else in your house can understand what you are going through.  I wonder if I can go back to taking St. John's Wort?  I decided to take that after my Mom died.  My doc wanted to slap me on Zoloft but I knew I just needed to grieve.  I didn't like the depression along with my grieving so I tried St. John's Wort and it actually did work for me.  I've already decided that I'm not going on any type of hormonal birth control, so I don't need to worry about the contraindications on that front.

Well, that is most of it in a nutshell.  A very large nutshell by the looks of this mega post.  But it was a lot of catching up.  I'll probably be sporadic in my postings for a while.  Pretty sure I won't be on the computer at all while the In-laws are here for 2 weeks. I'm hoping I can retain my sanity through all of this.

Meet Little C

When Little C is not doing this...

 

She is usually doing this...

 

 But every now and again you might get lucky & see her like this...

 

I love all three. <3

I'd Like To Introduce You...

to my Daughter, Little C.  Born March 24, 2010 via c-section at 8:33am, 8lbs. 3oz. and 19.5 inches.  Thank you, Lord for our beautiful, healthy and wonderful baby girl!

 I've been busy being a Mommy to Little C, Big C and trying to recuperate from the c-section.  So I apologize for not posting sooner.

In these first weeks, I will be pretty scarce.  Not just because I'm a new Mommy again, but we've an entire new schedule to try and hammer out which includes getting Big C on a new schedule as well.  Other things have been going on in the family as well which I will save for another day.  Right now, I just want to share a photo of Little C.  The birth story will have to wait for another day. *smile*  Needless to say, I'm madly in love with her and she is the perfect addition to our family.

Blessings

I've been given many more than I deserve.  My son, Big C and the baby I am now carrying are among the most notable for obvious reasons.  But I'm so grateful for my life in general.  Sure, things can be sucky at times.  I have my good days and bad days.  Everyone does.  But as a whole, I couldn't be happier.

My 13 month-old baby boy took his first steps by himself on Tuesday.  And there has been no slowing down since.  Sure, prior he's taken one to two steps on his own.  But Tuesday night...he walked 8 feet....8 FEET!  All by himself.  Well Daddy did encourage him.  Now he is doing it on his own without encouragement.  All the while a huge grin on his face.  Can I tell you?  My heart melted and I bawled my eyes out.  I was so happy and so proud of my little boy.  I was so thankful to God that I have a child to experience these things with.  I was also a little saddened because this is another sign that my darling little newborn, my infant, my baby is growing up.

Here is a video if you'd like to see him!  (You'll have to have a Facebook account but don't need to be a friend of mine to view the video)  Big C Walking

He really is an amazing kid and not just because he is mine.  I honestly get comments on him all the time.  He is just a sweet, loving little boy.  He is so good when I take him anywhere.  Even when he has to sit there for an hour.  He just looks around, smiling at people and waving as they walk by.  This kid melts my heart every time I look at him.  I am totally in love with him and I can never adequately thank God enough.  So I just try to tell Him thank you as much and as often as I can.  He is super smart.  We don't have lots of words but if you hold up a picture of a dog, or cow, pig, chicken, or horse he will make the appropriate sound.  He'll also do it if you ask him, "What does the cow say? or What sound does a pig make?"  That's my boy. :-)

I had a 3D sonogram done today and I was able to see my baby in the flesh for the first time.  I was so overcome with emotion I cried.  And I realized, again how blessed I am.  I am so thankful for my babies.  My two beautiful healthy babies.  I am gaining more and more excitement as the days grow closer.  I will miss feeling the baby move inside me, but will be crazy happy that I'm feeling him or her in my arms instead.

Thank you, Lord for all the blessings you have given me.

Sometimes things have happened that I certainly felt were not blessings.  But He knows the plan He has for me.  And His plan has lead me to a wonderful husband and two beautiful children.

I'm Back! Did You Miss Me?

Well kinda sorta.  I've never been an everyday writer.  But you know what I'm saying.  So let's see, I'm going to play catch up and just make it short and sweet.  No need to draw it all out with details since it's done and over with and we've since moved on to newer things.

Last Saturday I awoke at 4 in the morning having a panic attack because I couldn't breathe.  Seriously.  Nasal congestion was at it's worst because I caught Big C's cold that just so happened to layer itself on top of one I was fighting myself.  My chest was so tight I felt like I was being crushed.  Mouth breathing is NOT something I am readily able to deal with.  Since my sinuses were completely sealed shut, the mouth breathing commenced only to find no relief because I couldn't get enough air in!  Long story short, I made it through the night and into the morning so I could call my doctor who told me to head over to the nearest ER and get checked out.  There was a question of whether or not my thyroid meds may need adjusting because of the pregnancy since it can cause the heart racing/can't breathe symptoms.

The boy awoke and he was crying and coughing to the point of throwing up and I decided that I was going to just take him to the ER with me.  Something had to give for this kid.  Again, long story short...after blood work and a breathing treatment for me and an exam for Big C we were discharged with a diagnosis of an ear infection that was just starting for him and sinusitis coupled with bronchitis that was just starting for me.  Lovely.  Good thing was we caught Big C's ear infection before it really even got started.  So he was spared the agonizing pain of an earache. That was a total win.  We are recovering for our ills...I slower than Big C.  Mine actually got worse and is just now starting to let up.  But we are on the mend.

As far as my 32 week update, which can now be a 32 and 33 week update.  Things are going OK.  My Sciatic has reared it's ugly head again and it makes for a difficult night's rest.  Plus the peeing through the night...trust me when I tell you it's no less that 4 times a night.  Baby has begun to slow down with movement a bit.  Gave me a scare yesterday and today.  But I did get some movement.  And my OB told me as long as I get one occurrence of good active movement once in 24 hours, then we are good.  Not that that helps my overactive neurotic worrisome mind.  Thursday will mark the 34 week period as well as my next OB appointment.  So I'm greatly anticipating the appointment with the baby's slowdown, which according to the doctors, nurses and books is normal at this stage in pregnancy since the babe is getting bigger and the accommodations for him or her are getting smaller.  I'm hoping the snowfall will not hinder me from getting to this appointment.  After the epic snowfall of about 20 inches overnight we are expecting upwards of another foot Tuesday night and all day Wednesday.

Oh Em Gee...is that like, a car under there?

My sonogram appointment last Friday was kind of sucky.  The technician, whom I've never had before was a total wench.  My OB told me that she'd be able to tell me the weight of the baby as well as gestational age and the percentile in which the baby is in.  When I was pregnant with Big C they told me those things when I asked with no problem.  This B refused to tell me anything.  Well almost.  I did get 1 thing out of her.

Tech:  "We aren't allowed to give out that information, you'll have to get it from your doctor." 

Me:  "Seriously?  He's the one who told me to ask YOU!  OK well can you tell me what we are looking at?"

Tech: "Your cervix."

Me: "Is the baby head down?"

Tech: **Silence**

Me: "Is that the baby's head right there?  The top of it?"

Tech: "Mmhm."

 Me: "What is that?  Are those the baby's hands?"

Tech: **Silence**

Me: **Infuriated** "Now what are you doing?"

Tech:  "Getting the baby's heart rate."

Me:  **Seething** "Well can you at least tell me THAT?  Are you ALLOWED?"

Tech:  "Yeah, it's 135."

Seriously I felt slighted.  Sonograms are a very intimate and important part of one's pregnancy.  You don't get them that often, which is a good thing actually.  Healthy pregnancies don't need lots of sonograms.  But damn.  By brother and my dad were there with me and this chick was just robotic.  Most other techs are happy to point out baby's features, face, fingers, legs, toes and heart.  They have told me what they are doing, looking for or measuring.  They are pleasant and genuinely happy for you.  I basically got hustled back into the room, measurements taken without a word and hustled back out of the room like cow who is being milked.

So I've decided to have a 3D sonogram done this weekend.  I'm pretty excited about it.  I can bring my family with me and they can see the baby on two huge screen plasma TVs.  I thought about doing it before but never made the decision since I didn't have it done with Big C.  But this latest sonogram experience left me feeling so empty...like I had no time to spend with my baby.  I know it may sound silly to you, but that is how I felt.  The sonograms are my opportunity to *see* the little wonder who makes all of those movements inside me and it's very special.  That technician totally ruined that experience for me.  Depending on the results of that sonogram, I probably won't have another one unless the doctor is worried about something.  So that is why I decided to have the 3D sonogram done.

*GASP*  Who is that handsome boy?  No more hair in the eyes!

In other news, this Sunday I figured it was time to give Big C his first hair cut.  I did cut off a curl and save it for his baby book.  I was kind of bummed that I didn't get to take him to the barber shop for the whole experience and pictures.  But it's snowed every single weekend I planned on taking him!  The hair was in his eyes, curling around his ears and he was forever fussing with it.  The kid was miserable so it was time...barber shop or not.  I have to tell you...I so didn't want to cut it.  It was the hair he was born with!  Sort of...he was kind of a baldie...just little wisps of blonde hair.  But I knew after cutting his hair for the first time that he would look grown up and well...he's my baby and I don't want him looking so grown up so soon!

-MoM-

Wow, This is a 4...Make That 7 Wipe Job!

Normally that's how I categorize Big C's *blow outs*.  For those reading who are not Mommies, let me quickly explain the blow out.  The blow out is a massive poop diaper.  A poop so big and so massive that it literally goes from about the top of the crack crease of the tush all the way down and around thoroughly coating the genitals and maybe even creeping up to the top of the diaper.  The levels of the blow out can be anywhere from mild to OH MY GOD.  Leaks can be minimal to go directly to the nearest bath tub.

In this case, surprisingly it was a minimal leak which still called for an outfit change.  The blow out was on the OH MY GOD level though.  Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen so much from him.  I probably should explain that I did give him a healthy dose of prune juice this afternoon prior to his nap.  He hadn't pooped at all yesterday.  I still had no poop from him today and it was 2pm.  So I figured it was time for the good ol prune juice.  I give him the apple prune variety so he drinks it down happily. (Ick)   I have to give props...the stuff works amazingly well.  Within a few hours actually.  Even with a constipated child, its my remedy of choice as it helps soften things up so its less painful.

I know its perfectly normal for a 1 year old to not have a bowel movement for an entire day.  I know it is perfectly normal for them to even go longer.  I have more of a problem with him not pooping than he does.  Even for a day...it irks me.  I guess it goes back to being a neurotic first time mother.  I mean they used to have you write down every wet and dirty diaper in the hospital before you brought them home.  So peeing and pooping regularly must be pretty important, right?  OK, I just like my kid being regular.  So there. :-P

Back to the level of this blow out.  Usually a major blow out is like 4-5 wipes.  I kid you not...I must have used 7 wipes...easy.  There was Just. So. Much. Poop.  My father walked into the room as I unfastened the diaper and shook his head and quickly walked back out saying, "Oh My God."  Yeah...thanks for the help there Dad!  Who knew that much poop could accumulate in a day and a half?

I managed to get Big C cleaned up, freshly diapered and new duds in a matter of minutes.  So all was well.  Just the sheer size and proportion of this blow out was enough to compel me to write this post and share with you.  Aren't you glad I did?  You know you are.

-MoM-