I Have Another Addiction

Its no secret.  If you know me you know that I have several addictions.  Some I was able to give up.  I quit smoking as soon as I learned I was pregnant with Big C and never went back.  I was never addicted to alcohol, but I did drink socially and that has stopped nearly completely.  I did have 1 glass of wine a month ago and was borderline nackered from it.  But there are those that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to give up.  Carbs for example.  I've tried and I've failed miserably.  There is just no way I am ever going to be willing to give up bread.  I can't do it.  Yes, I am fluffy.  And if being thin means having to give up bread....forget it.  I'll stay that way.  My kids.  I'm hopelessly addicted to them and I never want that to change.

When I was younger though.  I was addicted to reading.  I loved it.  I was a voracious reader.  Then, I don't really know what happened.  I began slowing down.  Honestly I think the computer began taking up more of my reading time and then I just kinda stopped altogether.  Maybe I would read 1 book a year.  When I was usually reading 1-3 a week  I found myself lately really missing it.  I've yearned to read again.  But I just never seemed to find the time.  I mean, have you ever tried to read a book and bottle feed at the same time?  It is virtually impossible.  You just can't hold the book open and do that.

So here is where I will sing the praises of my husband and gush about how I love him.  For our anniversary, he bought us both Motorola Droid phones.  I think I died and went to heaven.  I wondered how I kept my sanity without it!  The apps are amazing and help me keep organized.  From the Baby ESP application, to the Jorte to keep all my appointments at my fingertips to the grocery list my K and I can share.  This thing rocks!  But then, then I found out that I can read books on it.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I can read a book on this thing?  Like, really?!

Oh yes!  I love, love, love it!  I don't have to fumble with the pages of a book trying to hold it open and do other things.  I can stand at the stove stirring and cooking dinner and read at the same time!  I can bottle feed the baby at 4am and read because I can set it down and not worry about pages closing.  I never have to *remember* to bring a book with me to the doctor's office....it's right on my phone!  In the last 2 weeks I've been able to read 3 books!   I'm on the second book of the Twilight series....and before you snort about that, the books are really good so far. 

I am so excited to be able to read again.  And I honestly thing it has made me happier.  It has been really good for my PPD too.  It gives me a few minutes to myself that I need.  Even if I read for only 5 minutes in between tasks, just those few minutes help me get centered and reduce my anxiousness to a level I can easily deal with.  I have been even more attentive with the kids and I have been enjoying them more than ever.  I cannot count how many times I've looked at them both and felt my heart swell and nearly burst out of my chest with love for them.  They are amazing.  I always knew they were, but now I am keenly aware of just how blessed I am and I'm able to live much more int he moment with them.  Who would have thought that being able to take some time to myself reading for just a few minutes at a time could create such a wonderful, positive change.  The kids are feeling it too.  Big C and Little C both even seem more at ease, easier to put to bed/naps and they both just seem happier because I am happier.

K, I really love you for helping my get some of my life back.  Even though you didn't realize you were doing it, you did.  I'm so glad you are mine! I love you!

What helps you live more in the moment?  What do you do to give yourself some *me* time?

-MoM-

Happy Birthday to Me!

My cake was great....but the boy thought his was waaay better!

Well OK, it was actually yesterday, but I was busy freaking out over the fact that the baby in utero wasn't moving but a twinge.  I nearly called the doctor.  I mean, this is my second pregnancy.  I should remember this from the first one and not be so neurotic.  Should being the operative word here.  Well I am, and you know what?  I'm not going to apologize for it.  I have always been a worry wart and the fact that I've been through one pregnancy does mean that will change.  But I called this morning and apparently I forgot from my last pregnancy, a mere year ago that during the 3rd trimester it's normal for the babe to slow down and now be as fast and furious.  I totally remembered the nurse telling me that with Big C after she mentioned it.  Anyway, I'm veering off from the original topic here.

I was surprised with a yummo cake.  It was wonderful...fluffy, moist and the icing made the babe dance in my belly for all of 5 minutes.  But hey, it was movement!  My husband bought me some fabulous books on child rearing and the whole psychology behind discipline and strong-willed children.  We are new parents, there is no manual.  I also don't have my mom to go to for advice on complex issues that may come up.  I was also treated nicely by my dad and my brother!

Big C was eye-balling me as soon as I had cake and ice cream in hand.  So of course, I shared.  Apparently, I cannot get ice cream and cake to his mouth fast enough as he protested each time I did not have it ready and waiting for his open mouth.  He reminded me of a baby bird waiting to be fed.  It was hilarious.  He was a bit more difficult to get to bed...you know, sugar high and all right before bed time.  Not a smart move, but I plead new parent syndrome.  OK so it was all of 8 minutes rather than the usual 3-5.  Damn, I keep thinking about that cake.  I totally haven't eaten lunch yet, but I want cake.  No, no...I'm not going to eat cake for lunch.  I will just go off and indulge in my Popeye's leftovers **drool**...then maybe have cake.  Maybe.  I mean, I may as well.  Because once this baby is born, I seriously....seriously need to lose weight and get into shape.  I have 2 kids to keep up with now and I can't be huffing and puffing like a freight train when trying to play with them.  Not to mention, I want to be healthier for them.  So, since I've long since kicked the nicotine habit...my fat-arse lifestyle is going to have to get kicked to the curb as well.  It's not a New Year resolution...it is just something I have to do...for me and my babies.

OK, well, I'm going to get the Bubs, he's up from his nap and I'm going to give him some lunch and dive into my Popeye's.  Nomnomnom!

-MoM-