Monday, November 30, 2009

23 Weeks and Counting - Plus Pictures!

First a picture of Big C at Halloween.  He was a lamb!
Returned from another OB appointment some time ago.  Baby is doing well.  The sonogram results were back and everything looked great.  Heart rate was between 140-150.  Oh yeah, by the way.  The sonogram I had done on Saturday, the baby didn't want to give up the goods.  So we don't know if it is a boy or a girl!  SURPRISE!  K had to take the day off work today...without pay...yipee.  Since my blood pressure doesn't always want to cooperate, occasionally I might be sent to L&D to have it monitored for an hour.  With the flu pandemic rolling, the hospital is taking extra precautions, and they should, to protect those who are in them from outsiders bringing the flu in.  So they won't allow me to take Big C back with me while I am monitored.  I don't have a babysitter.  My cousin A is the closest thing I'll get to having someone watch him for me, and she works on Mondays.  My dad would have watched him, but he had work and my brother...well...he gets the willies if left alone with him for more than an hour.  He is better set with older kids...little ones scare him when it comes to being alone and  So it left us with K staying home to be with him as our only option.  But it was nice.  Because K is gone 14 hours a day for work (including his hellacious commute) he never has the opportunity to go to any OB appointments with me.  Today was the first time he was able to hear his new baby's heartbeat.  Luckily, my BP was high, but not enough to send me to L&D for monitoring.

I spoke to my OB about this time trying for a VBAC and he said that was just fine.  I really do want the experience.  No, I'd totally skip the labor pain if I could.  But I'd like to experience having that bloody, wiggly screaming darling gift from God slapped up onto my chest as I grab him/her and say my first hello.  I'd like to be able to have the family I care about be there with me as I bring him/her into the world.  And let's face it.  I know other women ask me if I am insane because I want to experience labor (I never went into labor with Big C, then scheduled the section because I was 5 days overdue, he was high in my belly with no intention of dropping and the sonograms said he was 13 pounds!  He was 9lbs. 7oz....just in case you were wondering).  Well, I'd like to pose the same question to them.  Do you really think having a c-section is *easier*?  Having your abdomen sliced open, your guts and muscles shifted around, baby pulled out and then guts and muscles shuffled again and stapled back up?  Honestly ladies....a c-section isn't *that* bad...but a vaginal delivery sure as hell beats a c-section!  I mean come on now!

I have decided that if the baby shows large or hasn't dropped by the time my due date rolls around.  I'm just going to opt for a c-section.  There is no reason for me to be stubborn and put myself or the baby at any more risk than need be.  Sure, I won't have my prime choices for a c-section date (do people really obsess over that?  I mean, if the baby came via vagina you really wouldn't have that much of a choice on birthdays would you?  Seems weird to me.) but that is OK.  Healthy baby is more important than if the baby is born on an even or odd numbered day.  So I'm going to take my time, let my baby grow and develop and see what things look like in January-February.  Perhaps I'll be ready to make a concrete decision on a section then.

We've set up our Christmas tree.  The first one since the Christmas before my mother passed.  Mom really loved Christmas.  It was one of her most favorite holidays.  When she died, it just....was never the same.  It became painful, sad and a bitter reminder of the loss we all have come to know.  I told myself and everyone else that if the Lord had blessed me with a child, then things would change.  We would have a real Christmas again.  Mom would have wanted it that way.  K also put up decorations outside and trimmed the house in lights.  He took me by the hand last night, after he had finished and walked me around to the front.  And all I could really do was stand there and cry.  It looks beautiful.  My mom would have loved it.  It was really hard this time last year.  I was expecting Big C on December 26th.  And I really wanted her to be here, to see him, to know him and to love him.  I wanted him to know her, love her and see her the way I and everyone who knew her did.  But it's more difficult this year.  Because this year, Big C *is* here, the tree *is* up, and the house *is* decorated.  And in every strand of lights, branch of tree, ornament, bow, nativity scene and note of Christmas carols she *is* there.  I really miss her.  A lot.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for...and I am.  I am truly blessed and God is wonderful!  My life isn't perfect and trust me, I have hardships...but when I gaze into the face of my darling boy and I feel the karate moves of my darling yet to be born, and I watch the faces of my father, brother and husband as they talk, play and snuggle with Big C all I can think is how wonderful, giving and amazing God is and how fortunate I am.

I'm going to go for now.  My back is beginning to hurt a little.  My OB said everything you experience in your first pregnancy, you usually feel it sooner in the next one.  Well, I'm feelin' it!  Wowza.  My ribs are the worst.  Holy Hannah do they scream by the end of the day.  But it's all so worth it.  I just realized that I have been pregnant for the last two 4th of Julys, Labor Days, Halloweens, Thanksgivings and Christmas'!  Well, no wonder I'm feeling it.  I'll have been pregnant for 18 months out of 24 when baby #2 gets here!  *Grins*  I'm so bleeping happy to be me!!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Big C's First Illness, House Changes, and Nostalgia All @ 22 Weeks Pregnant

I had the hubs take my computer apart and put it into storage while my floors were being refinished back in September. It's still there in storage. So, I'm using the laptop now while my darling boy takes a nap.

So many things have been going on over the last 6 weeks or so. Rearranging the house, specifically the kitchen. Putting things in storage while taking stuff out to replace it. Coupled with the everyday routine and weekend hullabaloo, it gets hectic and I find myself wondering where the day week month went. Time is flying. I just never seem to have enough of it.

On the house front, my floor turned out great and I'm really happy with them. The thing that sucks is that Cliff is a never ending source of hair that is dropped onto it all day long. The's not being trapped in carpeting. It's a lot of cleaning, but it easier to clean...if that makes sense. We went out and bought a Shark Pocket Mop steamer to run over the floors when I'm feeling psycho and must have the floor sanitized. Got it at a great deal from Bj's. It's was 99 bucks, at least 20-40 bucks cheaper than Wal-Mart and Target wanted. I love it, it rocks. It does the job and I feel safer about having Big C zooming across the floors.

Speaking of Big C. He is 10 and a half months old and I wonder where the time has gone. It seems like it was only yesterday I was rocking him and singing him a lullaby to sleep, listening to his little "mews" as he drank his bottle and delighted at his dimples when he worked his best at those first smiles. I still delight at his dimples. But I long for the moments of just holding him, rocking him, singing him to sleep and breathing him in at every chance I had. He is now at the age where he isn't into being held as much, wriggles about, wants down and is into everything. I knew this time would come. Only, I didn't know it would come so soon. Sure, there are moments when he lets me snuggle him up and rock him, sing to him and breathe him in. But more often than not the attempts are met with chubby hands grabbing my cheeks and pushing my face away while giggling wildly. And while that is adorable in it's own right....I sure do miss my baby. :-) I find myself looking at pictures or videos of him as a newborn or at 3 months old and bawling my eyes out. Now, it could just be my pregnancy hormones talking, which is likely the case, but I'm finding myself so nostalgic about him and so thankful to God that he has Blessed me with him. He is nothing short of every way.

He is all about pulling himself up to standing now. He can crawl like no ones business and is faster than a speeding bullet when on all fours. He can pull himself up on furniture with ease and practices stooping and squatting. All while still holding on. He's has not gotten brave enough to let go and balance yet. But I see the look in his eye, he's getting close. Poor little guy came down with his very first cold on Monday. I have been somewhat of a mess. I mean I have my stuff together, but at the same time I'm a psycho worried momma. Can't help it....he's my baby and this is the first time we've gone through this together. So it's a learning experience for me. OK, not that I have ever known anyone who enjoyed their child being sick, but this just sucks. I feel like a failure (much as I did when my efforts at breastfeeding were thwarted by Big C being admitted into the hospital for bilirubin issues and losing weight) as a parent. My baby is sick and the best I can do is....nothing. I can hold him, comfort him and tell him I love him, but he really just doesn't want to hear it nor does he feel like snuggling. He just wants to cry and be cranky because he feels horrible. And I am helpless. I give him some medicine to help his fever, but that is all I can really do. It's not like he appreciates my suctioning his nose out....he abhors it, thrashing around and screaming, batting my hands away from his face and sobbing. Do you have any idea how that breaks a mother's heart? To know that now you have become the source of your child's anguish? It's bad enough he has a cold but here I am coming at him like a mad scientist with contraptions to suck his brains out and objects that go up his bum and make his belly button feel as though is it might pop out. No wonder he looks at me and cries. I'm a Mistress of Torture to him! And it is very overwhelming. I find myself crying as much as he does. The light at the end of the tunnel came today as he seems to be improving and is willingly eating and drinking and smiling more. Thank you, Lord. :-)

This weekend I have another sonogram scheduled as the first one I had in October lacked the cardiac views and a few others the OB wants redone. In case you are wondering, yes, we know what we are having....a baby! But we don't know the sex yet. The wee one didn't want to cooperate in that area at the time. It may be possible on Saturday, but there is a part of me that would like to have it a surprise. I'll see if I can hold out. ;-) I'm 22 weeks pregnant today and I'm feeling the babe move now, have for a few weeks now. And I have to say, this has to be the absolute best thing about being pregnant, other than knowing you will hold your little darling in your arms when they can no longer fit in your belly! So I am enjoying it immensely right now. I have been having some issues with blood pressure and aching in my wrists and arms. Trouble sleeping is a fact of life now, but I've been there before so it's OK. Just a lot tougher when you have a 10 month old to tend to all day and your only moment of rest is nap time. I knew having babies so close together would be hard, and I'm getting the feeling that right now, taking care of one while pregnant with the other is just a preview of the tough road ahead. I keep thinking that once the baby is born it will be easier because I won't have my pregnancy ailments to hold me back. That being very true, it will be something else at one time or another, I'm sure! But, it's all good and totally 100% worth it. I love my babies!

Well, I need to close for now. My back is freaking killing me, I gotta pee and I hear Big C stirring from his afternoon nap. I'll try to update things in a more timely fashion. But to be honest, even if I had my computer set up....I can barely find the time to sleep and take a shower let alone blog! Until next time!


Blog Template by