Tuesday, January 26, 2010

We've Set A Date

At today's OB appointment the Dr. and I set the date of my elective c-section.  March 24th.  Of course should I go into labor and have the baby vaginally a few days before then, I'm not going to complain. :)  I have a sonogram scheduled for this Friday and provided the baby is not in the greater than 95th percentile, then we are a green light for attempting a VBAC.  Naturally this will not be my last sonogram, I'll probably have another done about a week before my c-section date.  And if still in the clear it's a go and I can cancel the c-section.

I would just like to mention for the record that I am quite fond of both of my OB doctors.  They took such good care of Big C and I and again they've been taking wonderful care of the new babe and myself.  Just two very caring and compassionate men who want nothing more than to see you with a happy, healthy baby in your arms.  I'm hoping perhaps this time around I can get a picture of the two of them holding the babe after delivery.  I missed the opportunity with Big C.

Today's visit went well.  Baby has been moving a lot and the heartbeat was nice and strong.  He or she even gave a few good, swift kicks to the Doppler as we listened.  I've scheduled my appointments up until my c-section/due date.  My cousin, A is gracious enough to take on the task of babysitting Big C while I go to the rest of my 3rd trimester appointments since they may send me over to the hospital for NST and blood pressure monitoring.  Speaking of blood pressure...it was a little high today, but nothing too concerning.  156/80  Not too bad.

We spoke about the pains in my hips and pelvis.  I told him that I did not have this pain during my first pregnancy.  He politely informed me...again that "It's gets worse with each pregnancy."  Ouch.  This does not stop me from considering a third.  The reward is way worth it.  Turns out wearing a nice and snug belly band will help with the pain and with the edema that is slowly building.  Yeah, it's no where near as bad as it is going to get.  I'll probably be whining about it all the time come 38 weeks.  I'm really looking forward to Friday.  I can't wait to see the baby.  And I've already told a few people that even if they can tell the sex, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!  It will have been 32 weeks.  If I waited for 32 weeks, I can wait the other 8 and be surprised.

Oh and just a bit of randomness...UPS just arrived and delivered the photo book I created.  It is FABULOUS!  I highly recommend using them.  This is only my first order by they were prompt and the quality is fantastic.  I made a picture book of Big C's 1st year.  A few pages of him at each month of life.  Can I tell you I just sat here, opened it to look at it and bawled like a baby looking at how much he has grown? *Le sigh*  Well, I think I'll end it here.  I've a busy 2 weeks ahead and I'll try to give my 32 weeks update on Thursday...if not, I'll wait until Friday and do it with a sonogram update.  My Little Bear is sick with a crappy cold...he's shooting serious snot rockets and coughs a lot, sometimes to the point of throwing up...poor baby.  I'm picking some decongestant cough syrup up for him from the doctor tonight in hopes it will make him more comfortable while he battles this cold.


Thursday, January 21, 2010

63 Days Left to Go

Its my weekly update and this is for week 31!  I'm starting to get excited.  This pregnancy has been different from my last.  I have another child to take care of this time around.  My days are filled with Big C's feeding, pooping, playing, learning and all around being cute as can be.  That leaves little time to focus on this little babe.  I used to spend hours daydreaming about Big C.  What he would look like, how I would dress him up, all the things I needed to buy and how I would decorate the nursery.  I would badger my husband to help me think of names for our baby and once I knew we were having a boy...boy did my imagination soar.  I thought about all the amazing things I wanted to do with him, places to take him, things to show him and wonder if he'd look like his Daddy or what it would sound like when he spoke his first word.

I feel a little guilty.  Because I've been really focused on Big C, I've not done those things with this babe.  Most of the time I'm so exhausted that when I try to do those things while he takes a nap...I find myself taking one too.  I also don't know if we are having a boy or a girl.  It makes the surprise factor really exciting.  But a little more difficult to envision and daydream about a son or daughter.  I have to daydream about both!  Not to mention, I'm trying to focus on Big C as much as I can.  Before we know it, he won't be the only baby in the house anymore.  I don't want him feeling left out.  So I'm trying to get as much Mommy/Son time as I can with him before I won't have the opportunity to have him completely to myself.  Which is hard when lately he's decided that he only has eyes for his father and I'm chopped liver.  But that is a situation in and of itself that deserves it's own entry...at some point.

So...31 weeks.  Well, I've been feeling OK.  Really tired.  Big surprise there.  Heartburn is kicking my butt.  This pregnancy rhinitis is the pits.  I detest not being able to breathe.  Being clogged sucks.  And if I could actually blow my nose and clear it out, it would be great.  But there isn't much there.  It is all membrane swelling.  So I'm mouth breathing, couple that with my decreased lung capacity from babe taking up space and you have a huffing, puffing, wheezing, nasal-pinched, man-voiced, duck waddling, belly popping preggo chick.  Not a pretty sight.  No, really.

Waddling.  Ugh...at times I still feel like my pelvis is going to crumble.  I know this is all normal...just not comfortable.  It hurts so bad that I can't even attempt to walk normally.  Plus I have edema in the lower portion of my belly which makes bending over or down painful, and I know it will only get worse...I had it with Big C as well.  Since Big C isn't walking on his own, that means I'm running after him and hefting him from the floor up.  He weighs like...30 pounds.  I feel every muscle in my abdomen and pelvis straining each time I pick him up.

I'm peeing every 30 minutes to an hour.  The babe loves hanging out on my bladder.  I've even had 2 accidents.  Both due to sneezing.  They weren't full blown pee your pants...but it was enough.  I'd like to say it's because I'm keeping myself so well hydrated and drinking non-stop.  I drink alright but it's not a full bladder I'm emptying each time.  It's just the pressure from baby.

I still want to eat literally everything in sight.  But I have been minding my p's & q's regarding salt intake.  I've cut out the salt shaker entirely.  I avoid eating things like chips and if I do eat them only a few.  Any more than that sets me off with a raging headache.  Hopefully that will be enough to keep the BP under control.  I do get fuller faster.  So if I'm a Starvin' Marvin' I will try to stop before I finish everything and wait 15 minutes.  By then I really feel the fullness and stop chowing.  If I don't wait and keep going until I feel full, I've gone and pushed myself to the brink of misery of overeating and wanting to puke.  And let's face it, that doesn't help with the heartburn either!

The baby has been moving a lot.  I can't tell you how I adore that feeling.  It is the highlight of my pregnant day.  It is the one thing I miss most about being pregnant once the baby gets here.  I love being pregnant.  Not all the aches and pains and anxiety that go along with it.  But I love having a growing baby inside.  I love kids, and I love babies.  I kid you not...if it weren't for the fact that I am 34 years old, and that my husband and I don't have loads of disposable income, extended family to lend a hand when bring home a new baby or a house big enough...I could totally be the next Michelle Duggar.  OK...well, maybe not that many children.  But I could easily see myself with 5-8 of them.

So right now, I'm trying to spend as much time with my little boy as I can.  Enjoy each and every kick, jab, punch and bobble the babe throws at me, decide on a name, get the gear I need for the new babe together, unpacked or purchased (like a crib).  And think about the dozen other things that will need to happen before bringing home baby #2!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Wish List Wednesday

I've recently started following another blog and she does something called Wish List Wednesday.  In my real life, I don't ask for a whole lot.  I ask the Lord to keep and protect my family, my children, husband and my home including pets/animals.  Keep them safe, healthy and to guide those I love to make the right choices when presented with temptation.  I also include myself in that list.

That being said, the dreamer side of myself would love lots of things!  So this fun blog Wednesday Wish List was perfect for me!  Thank you to Jennifer over at The Foster Family blog for the idea and invitation to join in!

Right now what I'd really love to have is the Hoover Cordless Stick Vac.  I recently had the old, garish carpeting ripped up out of my living room and dining room and had the hardwoods under it refinished.  Clean up is wonderful...BUT.  I have a dog and 2 cats running around.  And the hair that drops off these critters is mind-blowing.  I'm still glad I did it though.  All I need to do is just think about that being trapped in carpeting while Big C sits on the floor playing.  But it does make for a lot of sweeping and dry mopping which is OK...but it just never seems to get *enough* for me.  And since this is Wish List Wednesday and I can put down anything I want...this is it!

Oh yeah..is there another thing I'd love to have.  Maybe even two of them would be nice!  The Healthy Mist Ultrasonic Humidifier by Air Innovations.  My home is so dry in the winter.  My little guy is suffering from dry, inflamed nasal passages (as am I and hubby) and the humidifier in his room (which is a very small room) just isn't cutting it.  It raises the humidity in his room 1% if that.  Most of the time it's exactly the same...and therefore, useless.  But I still run it, case...you know...it might work one day. *Rolls eyes at myself*

So that's it for this week.  Those are the things that would be at the top of my wish list!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Wow, This is a 4...Make That 7 Wipe Job!

Normally that's how I categorize Big C's *blow outs*.  For those reading who are not Mommies, let me quickly explain the blow out.  The blow out is a massive poop diaper.  A poop so big and so massive that it literally goes from about the top of the crack crease of the tush all the way down and around thoroughly coating the genitals and maybe even creeping up to the top of the diaper.  The levels of the blow out can be anywhere from mild to OH MY GOD.  Leaks can be minimal to go directly to the nearest bath tub.

In this case, surprisingly it was a minimal leak which still called for an outfit change.  The blow out was on the OH MY GOD level though.  Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen so much from him.  I probably should explain that I did give him a healthy dose of prune juice this afternoon prior to his nap.  He hadn't pooped at all yesterday.  I still had no poop from him today and it was 2pm.  So I figured it was time for the good ol prune juice.  I give him the apple prune variety so he drinks it down happily. (Ick)   I have to give props...the stuff works amazingly well.  Within a few hours actually.  Even with a constipated child, its my remedy of choice as it helps soften things up so its less painful.

I know its perfectly normal for a 1 year old to not have a bowel movement for an entire day.  I know it is perfectly normal for them to even go longer.  I have more of a problem with him not pooping than he does.  Even for a day...it irks me.  I guess it goes back to being a neurotic first time mother.  I mean they used to have you write down every wet and dirty diaper in the hospital before you brought them home.  So peeing and pooping regularly must be pretty important, right?  OK, I just like my kid being regular.  So there. :-P

Back to the level of this blow out.  Usually a major blow out is like 4-5 wipes.  I kid you not...I must have used 7 wipes...easy.  There was Just. So. Much. Poop.  My father walked into the room as I unfastened the diaper and shook his head and quickly walked back out saying, "Oh My God."  Yeah...thanks for the help there Dad!  Who knew that much poop could accumulate in a day and a half?

I managed to get Big C cleaned up, freshly diapered and new duds in a matter of minutes.  So all was well.  Just the sheer size and proportion of this blow out was enough to compel me to write this post and share with you.  Aren't you glad I did?  You know you are.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Teething Troubles or Something More?

Heck if I know.  But it's quarter after 9 at night and he was blissfully asleep at 8:30.  Awake now and I heard K go in to hush him back to sleep.  He's been miserable ALL day.  I don't mean cranky...I mean downright pissed at the world.  Refusing to eat, throwing things around and it seemed that no one could make him happy.  Secretly that last part kinda made me feel good, but just a smidge because lately it seems as though he views me as Mommy Dearest and prefers everyone else in the world to me.

Good news is he has his 1 year check up scheduled.  Bad news is it's next Monday.  If it's just a teething issue, I'm fine to sort it out and deal with it.  I'm a little weary of an ear infection.  He does touch the sides of his head, but not really tugging at ears and there is no fever...for now.  I don't want to freak out, so I'm leaning toward teething.  He has had 8 teeth since about August/September.  The first molar showed up last month and has broken through about half way.  It could be that one too I guess.  He refuses to let me anywhere near his mouth.  Whether it's because his mouth hurts or he's just so pissed about something he doesn't want to be mucked around with...I cannot say.

Honestly, I just want my kid to feel better.  I really don't like abhor not being able to soothe him.  It totally makes me feel like a big, fat failure.  Add to that my already feeling *put out* by the fact that his father, grandfather and uncle can do no wrong and are completely worthy of picking him up and snuggling while I am not and you have The Sourpuss Complex.  What?  I'm adult enough to admit it.  So, it might be a phase, doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.  I am happy that he is bonding with his father.  No easy feat mind you when Daddy is gone 14.5 hours a day due to work/commuting.  That part does thrill me.  Plus my husband gets the interaction with him that he wants, craves and rightly deserves from his son.  Win/win on that one.

I am completely thankful that my husband is off tomorrow for MLK's birthday.  I've been missing him a lot.  I treasure our weekends together.  Even if it is filled with laundry, running errands, grocery shopping and cramming everything you can't do during the week because he gets home @ 7:30 pm.  We haven't had a day to ourselves since before Big C was born.  With the exception of going to my high school reunion back in July.  But that was hardly a chance for he and I to spend alone time together in order to reconnect.  Truth is, I don't really want to leave Big C at home or with my cousin while he and I go out.  I know I need to, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that just yet.  I've been OK with leaving him with Ashley when I've had a dentist appointment or OB appointment.  But when I'm with K, no Big C would seem like a part of us is missing.  Silly....yeah, I know.  But it is what it is.  I may try to have an afternoon with the hubs if A can take him for an afternoon.  We may attempt to go to a movie and grab some lunch.  We'll see how it goes.

Seems like the tyke has fallen back to sleep.  I know it's early, but I think I'm going to follow suit.  Between being pregnant and Big C waking up...there isn't much sleep to be had around here lately.  Gotta get it where and when you can.


Friday, January 15, 2010

We Don't Do Mornings

This is what morning looks like at our house when you wake up at 3:00am, play, roll around on Mommy & Daddy's bed and refuse to go back to sleep until 5:00.  Only to wake up again at 8.  He's not amused.  Not in the least.  This is also sometimes the face greeting me when he wakes from a nap...that was clearly not long enough.

Yeah, hubs and I didn't look all that refreshed either.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

30 Weeks!

I know I said this last week, but it's something about hitting the 30 week mark that just makes you sit back and say, "Woah!"  It's almost time!  Sure 10 weeks is still a long time, but considering that a pregnancy lasts 40 weeks, it's actually the homestretch.  I won't be going to the doctor for another 2 weeks.  This is just me reporting on what's going on this week and how I'm feeling.

Emotionally, it has been one of the hardest weeks during the whole pregnancy.  My hormones have been taking control and have me all over the place.  Couple that with life's other stressors and you have a hormonal breakdown on the verge of letting loose.  It did yesterday, a few times actually.  But although I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm doing much better.  I hope I continue to stay on a positive path.

The babe moves quite a bit, when he or she feels like it.  There really is no pattern with this little one.  I suppose he or she can't make up their mind like their momma. :-)  I've had some cramping earlier int he week, but I'm convinced it was because I was overdoing it a bit.  Rushing to get C's birthday party together and then the drama with the church hall, which I'll save for another time if I remember was enough stress for me and I guess my body was telling me, "OK, sit down, shut up and stop worrying.  You have other people to help you...duh!"  So that is what I did after Big C's birthday party.  I went home and just sat down and tried to relax, freaking out over the cramping that felt more like someone shoving an ice pick into my uterus.  Thankfully, the pain ceased by the next morning and I resumed dealing with my usual ailments, my pelvis feeling as though it is going to break.  I must admit though, even that is getting a tad bit better.

One thing I am dealing with more this time around is swelling.  I don't think I've seen my feet, legs and belly...yes I said my belly swollen like this before.  I had swelling in my belly last pregnancy as well, but this is like...crazy.  Last time it was pitting edema too.  But this is such a big area!  My belly is bigger because of so much swelling, and I can really feel it when I go to put on socks & shoes.  It's like leaning over with a beach ball attached to an already plump baby bump!  And just for the record, I hate bending over and I avoid it when I can.

Sleep is sporedic.  I'm either up taking a potty break, or flipping from one side to the other because my hips have gone numb or are sore.  I'm also waking up to clogged sinuses which leads to open mouth breathing at night, which leads to dry mouth and sore throat.  So I'm often up trying to unclog, getting a drink and rolling on some lip balm to fight the dryness.  Add to that Big C's sporadic waking up screaming crying in the middle of the night and you have a recipe for very little sleep.  I'm getting enough though.  I'm tired, but still able to function.  And when I feel exceptionally exhausted, I use Big C's nap time to take a nap and try to rejuvenate myself as well.

Everything else is pretty much the same pregnancy wise.  No contractions, other than an occasional BH squeeze here and there.  It is still really rough picking up Big C and carrying him from room to room when I need to.  My reduced lung capacity has me dealing with a lot of huffing and puffing and I've been getting hit with some wicked heartburn here and there as well.  Thank goodness for Tums!  Well, that's about it for now! ;-)

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Note To Fellow Bloggers, 29 Weeks Update & Random Thoughts

29 weeks already!  Sometimes it feels like it's going slow, but being busy with Big C has helped in that department.  I think I'm pretty close to making the decision to just go and schedule a c-section.  I'll wait until my next sonogram @ 32 weeks, but I'm almost 100% on going ahead with it.  I have 10 weeks until I get to see and hold this baby.  I still can't believe it sometimes.  I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but I am so truly blessed and thankful to God for my son and this newest baby.  I am not without my own trials that I've had to face, but I have been fortunate to get pregnant on my own, without medical intervention, maintain a healthy pregnancy and deliver (even if by c-section) a healthy, happy handsome little boy.  AND I am fortunate to again been able to conceive, and so far so good on maintaining a healthy pregnancy and I pray it will continue to a problem free delivery and a happy, healthy baby.

K and I got married in August of 2001.  And although we didn't immediately start trying to have a baby, we didn't prevent it either.  I've battled with female troubles since I was 14 years old.  Had my first D&C @ 14 then had to have another @ 16.  My hormones have never cooperated and were in *wacky* mode all the time.  Skipping a period or 2 then bleeding non-stop for the better part of 8 weeks.  I have been put on probably 3/4 of the birth control pills known to man in order to try to regulate my cycle.  Some worked, some didn't.  I've had ovarian cysts in the past as well.  After I got married, I began weaning myself off the BC pills...hoping that my cycles would continue to be normalish.  And for a while they were.  Normalish for me is just having a cycle once a month.  I never have and never will be an every xx day kinda girl.  One month it'll be a 25 days cycle, the next month it's 32 days.  Long story short, after a few months I kicked the BC completely and was cycling once a month.  The months passed, and so did the years and I never conceived.  Hubs and I pretty much gave up on the notion of it happening for us.  We talked and thought about fertility treatments of various sorts and the potential of having to consider IVF if Clomid wasn't successful.  And IVF was just something we could not afford.  We just didn't have that kind of money to put out in a chunk.  So we decided that if God had planned for us to have a child or children, then it would happen.  It was out of our hands.  God did have a plan and he did give us a beautiful son.  He decided when, not me.  You know, 6+ years is a long time when you are TTC.  I know what the longing feels like.  I know that twinge you feel when you see mothers with their babies.  When you see friends and family having babies, and there you sit with an empty womb and empty arms.  I was never jealous, but I did hope that one day, I'd have a baby of my own to love and cherish.

I follow many blogs.  And I have been there with you when you have written about your disappointment of a BFN.  The profoundness of experiencing a loss, be it before or after a delivery.  I have sat here and shed countless tears for you...with you.  I have prayed for you.  I have gone to bed at night thinking of you and admiring your strength, courage and faith.  For those of you that have experienced wonderful things after such heartbreak, I have laughed, jumped up and down and cried with happiness for you.  And for those still waiting, I wait with you, praying and hoping that you find the happiness you are seeking.  I'm not a stalker...seriously.  But just so you know, you have another person in your corner, rooting you on and ready to celebrate your victory.

OK, so I know that was a bit heavy so on to 29 week news.  I see my doctor again in a few weeks and I really need to ask him.  "Why does my crotch feel like it's going to fall out?"  No, really.  It's not the baby-feels-like-it-is-going-to-fall-out pressure.  It's my pelvis.  I think I can hear it crying.  It hurts SO bad.  It hurts to just walk, but if I try to swing a leg over a gate, or heck just lift it up high enough to step into the tub to take a shower it feels as though it is going to crumble.  I never had this with my first pregnancy, so I am assuming it might have something to do with only having 6 months to recover from a 9 month pregnancy and a c-section before getting pregnant again.  By week definition I am 7 months pregnant.  I've been experiencing and expecting discomforts.  But this one in particular is totally new for me.

Sleeping is off and on sucky.  Some nights are good, others...meh.  Half of it is because I get clogged and can't breathe...thank you sinuses and allergies.  I'm still tired, but I found myself needing a nap while the boy napped this morning.  Not that I felt like taking a nap.  I mean I needed it.  The babe still moves a bit erratically, which throws me into panic mode.  But I keep reminding myself as long as I feel something no matter how subtle, things are OK.  This was the part that drove me crazy with Big C.  I wanted him out because I couldn't stand not being able to *check* on him all the time.  So if he decided to take a snoozer day, I freaked thinking something was wrong.  On the same note, I wanted him in because inside he was protected from all the outside dangers.

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and I'm coming to the realization while talking to her that being a parent, a mommy isn't just hard in the sense of the word.  But I find myself worrying about Big C all the time.  I mean even in the sense of him being an adult.  I want him to grow up into a good man.  Not an alcoholic or drug addict or a player who just uses and manipulates women.  I want him to want to be a good man himself.  I don't want him doing stupid things like drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone who has.  I see news reports of someone running a child over with a car only to leave the scene and my heart stops for a moment, worried that that fate could find my son.  And that is only part of it.  More immediately the thoughts rolling in my head are how boys do silly and risky things to show off.  How am I going to teach him to be cautious without being afraid to try new things?  I mean sometimes it can be a fine line between going out for the football team and wanting to do stunts on a dirt bike.  No, really!

I don't want to be the crazy mother who never lets him do anything, or sends him out of the house with bubble wrap duct taped to his entire body.  But I also don't want to just let him "Live & Learn".  I can't.  He is a child and doesn't know *how* live and learn works!  What lesson will have been taught to him if he kills himself or ends up in the hospital paralyzed?  I am a chronic worry wart.  And yeah, I probably should be seeking therapy for it before I make my children worse than me.  For now, I'll just continue to pray that he and the baby stay safe, make good decisions and ask the Lord to keep them and protect them.  After all it is His plan and if anyone can keep them from harm, it is Him.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Happy Birthday to Me!

My cake was great....but the boy thought his was waaay better!

Well OK, it was actually yesterday, but I was busy freaking out over the fact that the baby in utero wasn't moving but a twinge.  I nearly called the doctor.  I mean, this is my second pregnancy.  I should remember this from the first one and not be so neurotic.  Should being the operative word here.  Well I am, and you know what?  I'm not going to apologize for it.  I have always been a worry wart and the fact that I've been through one pregnancy does mean that will change.  But I called this morning and apparently I forgot from my last pregnancy, a mere year ago that during the 3rd trimester it's normal for the babe to slow down and now be as fast and furious.  I totally remembered the nurse telling me that with Big C after she mentioned it.  Anyway, I'm veering off from the original topic here.

I was surprised with a yummo cake.  It was wonderful...fluffy, moist and the icing made the babe dance in my belly for all of 5 minutes.  But hey, it was movement!  My husband bought me some fabulous books on child rearing and the whole psychology behind discipline and strong-willed children.  We are new parents, there is no manual.  I also don't have my mom to go to for advice on complex issues that may come up.  I was also treated nicely by my dad and my brother!

Big C was eye-balling me as soon as I had cake and ice cream in hand.  So of course, I shared.  Apparently, I cannot get ice cream and cake to his mouth fast enough as he protested each time I did not have it ready and waiting for his open mouth.  He reminded me of a baby bird waiting to be fed.  It was hilarious.  He was a bit more difficult to get to bed...you know, sugar high and all right before bed time.  Not a smart move, but I plead new parent syndrome.  OK so it was all of 8 minutes rather than the usual 3-5.  Damn, I keep thinking about that cake.  I totally haven't eaten lunch yet, but I want cake.  No, no...I'm not going to eat cake for lunch.  I will just go off and indulge in my Popeye's leftovers **drool**...then maybe have cake.  Maybe.  I mean, I may as well.  Because once this baby is born, I seriously....seriously need to lose weight and get into shape.  I have 2 kids to keep up with now and I can't be huffing and puffing like a freight train when trying to play with them.  Not to mention, I want to be healthier for them.  So, since I've long since kicked the nicotine habit...my fat-arse lifestyle is going to have to get kicked to the curb as well.  It's not a New Year resolution...it is just something I have to do...for me and my babies.

OK, well, I'm going to get the Bubs, he's up from his nap and I'm going to give him some lunch and dive into my Popeye's.  Nomnomnom!


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Just When You Thought You Had It Made

I know babies cry.  Big C cried.  All. The. Time.  Call it what you will...colic, gas, reflux, hunger (For the first 8 days I tried to EBF and wound up starving my kid rather than nourishing him since I just couldn't make more than a drop of BM.  I even took drugs to boost production and came up empty), or constipation.  All I know is one day my husband looked at me the night before Big C's 2 month appointment and said, "Ask he why he does nothing but cry...constantly."

To Big C's credit, he didn't cry "constantly".  Just when he wasn't sleeping (which were 15-30 minute intervals) and when he wasn't eating.  K and I were both seriously sleep deprived and snapping at one another like crocodiles over a chicken leg.  He was getting up at 4:30am to head to work, only to come home at 6:30-7:30pm to a screaming child and a wife begging for him to take said screaming child for a few hours so she could sleep.  I was getting up with him around the clock, and even though I let K sleep, I'd say it wasn't exactly as *sound* as he'd have liked it to be. 

Then, something miraculous happened.  I discovered rice cereal, put him to sleep in his swing and he was also getting older.  The rice cereal helped him keep food down.  He started spitting up a lot so this helped make it a bit heavier.  The swing kept him upright and the motion lulled him to sleep.  I also give chops to the sound machine I purchased from Homedics.  The projector and ocean and rain sounds helped too...and still are!  Time went on and he began to sleep longer...although only taking 15 minute power naps during the day.

I won't get into the transition from bassinet to crib...that was a task in and of itself that was a source of great frustration for hubs and I but we got through it.  But I digress.  Big C began to grow out of his colic, reflux whatever you wish to label it, and I had a very happy content baby.  Who has remained that way, for the most part...up until last night.  What happened last night was a cold slap into reality and just a reminder that sleepless nights are approaching with the birth of the new baby in a few months.  But it wasn't just the sleepless night.  It was a culmination of what motherhood parenthood really is about.

Big C just turned a year old on Friday, New Year's Eve.  So he's way past the newborn stuff.  He has been cutting a bicuspid throughout the last week or so, which I know is a stress to him since he is chewing on his thumb more often, drooling again and cranky.  Some Motrin usually helps and he is his jolly self once again.  Occasionally, I have been a bonehead and put him to bed without a dose of Tylenol or Motrin to help with the pain of his teething and he'll wake up between 3 and 4am.  I give him a sippy cup of formula, a dose of meds, we play and snuggle for 30 minutes or so and he happily goes back to sleep until he wakes in the morning his usual time.

Last night was a Mommy bonehead night.  Put him to bed at 8:30pm and he did nothing but cry in the crib.  OK, this is odd.  I realized he hadn't eaten as much as he normally does at dinner because he was being cranky and slapping the spoon out of my hands and flat out refusing to eat.  OK well everyone tells you when kiddies do that, they don't want any more!  He was fine otherwise.  Happily playing on the floor with toys after being taken out of the highchair until it was bedtime.  So K went in and got him at 9:15pm and brought him into the bedroom where I gave him a cup of formula and a animal cracker.  He seemed content and happy at that point.  I changed his diaper so he wasn't wet in the least and K took him back to the crib at 9:50pm.  Soon as he walked away the crying resumed.  He and I just looked at each other decided to give him a few minutes and maybe he'd settle himself.

The crying crescendoed into flat out hysterical screaming so K went in again and got him, it was now 10:29pm.  This time Big C had gotten himself so wound up that he was coughing until he threw up.  Three times.  Not a lot mind you.  Nothing projectile...we had that back when Big C had gotten his first cold.  Just the kind when you cough too hard and too deep and up a little bit of ick will come.  However, it did get on his PJs so I stripped him down, changed his diaper again, just in case (I'm a diaper nazi...I can't put a child to bed even with a drop of wetness in there) and after he was settled offered him a drink, which he took.  At this point this child was exhausted.  I could see the bluish purple circles under his eyes and he was rubbing his eyes fiercely and blinking repeatedly fighting to keep them open.

I proceeded to give him some Motrin, figuring it might be pain from the tooth coming in.  He clutched his Pooh bear and rolled to his side on the bed, along the side of my leg and I just shushed him like I did when he was a newborn and rubbed his back.  Still staring at the ceiling and blinking to keep from going to sleep I decided to pull out the secret weapon and began stroking his forehead and pushing his hair back.  He couldn't resist and finally closed his eyes.  K, in zombie-like form got up after a few minutes and picked him up and took him back to his crib.  It was 12:05am.  I heard Big C stir a bit and K comfort him in a hushed tone over the monitor.  Then I heard something that sounded like...*Scrrraaape, thummp, creeeak, scrrrape*

Next thing I know is Big C starts screaming, I see fur fly past the bedroom door and K comes racing in the room, across the bed and nearly dives off the side, reaching down under his side of the bed, knocking a few things off the night stand.  Up comes he and his arm from the floor and he's holding the cat, Mo and shoves her down the hallway and yells, "Stay out of his room!"  Yeah.  Nice one, Mo.  He had Big C almost fully asleep when she insisted to paw, then literally slam herself against the door in order to get it open to get to K.  Seriously the cat is up his arse and it annoys me.  But then again I never have been a cat person per say.  To continue, K goes in and settles our son once again and has a staring contest with him over the next 20 minutes.  He finally comes into the bedroom exhausted proclaiming that the screaming will begin because the kid just refuses to close his eyes.  To our surprise, several minutes went by and no screaming. 

I can't tell you how proud of ourselves we were.  I mean aside form being worried that our son was seriously sick or starting with an ear infection or something, we were working it out together and managed to get the little guy to settle down and go to sleep after all!  He looked at me and I at him and gave each other a little smile and laid our weary heads on our pillows.  We can totally do this!  We are good parents!

At 1:50am blood curdling screaming ripped our eye lids open and we both fly out of bed.  I panic.  My mind begins racing.
OK...if this was teething, the Motrin would have taken enough of the edge off that a completely spent and exhausted child would sleep...and for more than an hour.  Maybe it's an earache?  I haven't seen him tug at his ears at all.  But maybe he wouldn't.  Not all babies are the same.  He might just cry.  But it wasn't constant crying.  Don't they cry ALL the time with an earache?  And they have a fever don't they?  He had no fever. Wait?  Did I hear him fart?  Maybe it's gas?  I am such a horrible mother!  My baby is sick and I don't know what's wrong with him and all I can do is try to hush him and put him to bed!
We bring him back to our bed and I'm fighting back tears.  I feel helpless.  Just like I did when he was an infant and I couldn't breastfeed him.  And just like when I couldn't take his pain from reflux, gas, colic away.  I thought this was supposed to get easier?

It turns out, he was a bit gassy as he dropped a few more barking spiders than what I know as "normal" for him.  But I was having a hard time figuring out why?  He did have hiccups when K first put him to bed earlier that night....he could have swallowed air from them.  Although, he never did grab at his belly or kick his legs in a way that would make me suspicious of belly trouble.  After a few minutes I decided that if it was indeed gas, then the culprit was the scrambled egg he ate in the morning for breakfast.  I've offered it to him before but he usually gagged and spit it out.  Something about the texture.  But this morning, he happily chomped it down.  It was the only thing different that he had eaten.  Everything else he's had upteen times before.

So...I laid my baby down on my bed, hubs laying parallel to him and I rubbed his back, belly, legs and arms all the while shushing him quietly.  He clutched his Pooh bear to his chest and stared up at me and the ceiling.  I began stroking his forehead and gently pushing his hair back and with each lazy stroke his beautiful but very tired blue eyes fluttered and finally closed, and he fell asleep.  My husband looked at me and head motioned to the crib and I shook my head.  K just lay his head down and went to sleep with Big C.  I, opened a book, Raising Boys, by Dr. Dobson and continued reading where I left off the night before.  It's excellent so far and I recommend it for both mothers and fathers of boys.

I'm nearly 7 months pregnant and so it's no surprise that my back, ribs and pelvis start to ache when sitting up for a long time.  I needed to lay down, on my side for a while.  But I just sat and continued to read for about 2 hours, making sure my little boy got some sleep.  K stirred at 4am and looked at me as I closed my book and nodded to him.  I watched as he picked our limp darling boy up off the bed, snoozing blissfully and carried him to his crib.  He walked into the bedroom a moment later and we waited.  Quiet.  Only the sound of the rain falling on his noise machine.

I am happy to say he did sleep until about 8:30am.  K and I felt like zombies, but the boy was in better spirits this morning.  I've been dosing him with some Milicon to help rid him of any residual gas, even though I'm not 100% sure that was the issue.  I know I won't be feeding him eggs again...for a very, very long time.  Even managed to get him to take 2 decent naps today with little protesting on his part.  We shall see what tonight brings.  This experience made me realize that it does not get easier.  My cousin A, who I've mentioned often in my blog has 4 children ages 8, 5, soon to be 4 and soon to be 1.  One day I called her with a question and she was refereeing the kids while in the car and she said to me,  
"It doesn't get easier...it gets...different."
That has to be the best advice on parenting I've heard so far.  A has just started her own blog, just a little something to jot down things she never wants to forget.  We'll see how it evolves.  If you'd like to read it sometime, you can find it here.  So to all those new and expectant moms out there who happen across my blog, I am passing that advice on to you.  It will not get easier...but it will get different.  Parenting is the most difficult thing I've ever done.  It is also something I wouldn't change for anything else in the world.  I fear at times that I'm not a good mom, but you know what?  I'm a damn good mother.  I make sure my child is never in need of anything.  I play with him, I teach him and most important, I listen to him.  I don't always know what he is trying to tell me, but I do listen.  This journey into parenthood is like nothing I've ever attempted before and there is no going back.  I feel privileged to be given the opportunity to take the ride.


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