16 Years

That is how long it has been since I graduated high school.  Holy freakin' crap I'm old!

I attended Catholic school grades 1 through 8.  Stop it.  I know what you are thinking and you can just quit it now.  I already know most of the catholic school jokes.  Hell, I am usually the one telling them.  But this post is about high school.  That pinnacle of your youth where you make it, break it or get broken by your peers.  Kinda harsh when it's explained like that, but it holds a lot of truth.  It really shapes how you behave in social situations.

I was never a popular kid.  I wasn't unpopular either.  I was just kinda there.  Going through the motions, making small talk with just about anyone.  I think I turned out alright.  I'm outgoing, sociable and from what others tell me, a heck of a lot of fun to be around.  High school can be brutal for some, the time of your life to others.  For me it was a bit of both.  I had very few people who were my *circle* in high school.  Dee Dee & Becky were my close friends.  We went to the movies, drove around in my car singing with the radio and sat together at lunch.  Well, when we had the same lunch period anyway.  But my best friend, that was Shannon. 

I met Shannon when I was a Sophomore.  During my lunch period, I walked myself over to the school's library since none of my friends had the same lunch shift.  After walking through the door, I saw a girl sitting at one of the front tables, on the floor next to her was her book bag and a pair of canes.  I took a seat at a table close by and threw by bag on top the table with a loud "thrrrump."  I heard a gasp and the girl sitting at the table was looking at me with her head ducked down slightly.  I kinda just looked at her and mouthed the words, "Sorry" in her direction.  I minded my own business, and she minded hers.  A minute or two before the bell rang, I packed up my bag and stood at the library doors, waiting for the bell to ring, never giving that girl another thought.

The next day was the same as the last, I went to the library, and there she was, sitting at the same table.  So I grabbed the table I had been at and this time I set my bag down more carefully.  She looked over at me as I did this and I gave her a half smile, which she returned with a much broader and exuberant one.  She whispered to me, "Hi. I'm Shannon.  Do you want to sit here?"  I whispered back, "Sure and I'm Stacey."  Then we awkwardly exchanged hellos again as I took my seat.

We began a long-lasting friendship that day.  I can't tell you how many times we were nearly thrown out of the library for laughing hysterically at one another.  We've so many inside jokes it boggles the mind.  From kissing frogs, to saving whales, circus tents, the Hilton from Hell and cockroaches in an elevator.  You probably shouldn't ask.  We've sang karaoke at bars, and I hung over her bathtub for an hour afterward from a little too much liquid courage.  She met the love of my life and future husband, K only days after I first met him.  She came to visit me after the birth of both my children & has attended their Christenings and Big C 's 1st birthday.

 Shannon & I after Big C's Christening in April '09

There was a time when we fell out of touch for a while.  We both got busy because, as they say, life happened.  But no matter how long we are apart, we are able to pick up right where we left off without missing a beat.  She is my oldest and dearest friend.  Her life has not been an easy one and she has had many challenges that she continues to face every day.  Her faith, strength and resilience are inspiring.  I am proud, elated and blessed to call her friend.

I'd like you to meet Shannon too.  You can start by visiting her blog, Confessions of A Resilient Survivor.  She is a wonderful person, loving wife, and compassionate friend.  I think you will agree!

Note:  Today is Shannon's Birthday.  

Happy Birthday, Shannon!!! I ♥ You!

A Note To Fellow Bloggers, 29 Weeks Update & Random Thoughts

29 weeks already!  Sometimes it feels like it's going slow, but being busy with Big C has helped in that department.  I think I'm pretty close to making the decision to just go and schedule a c-section.  I'll wait until my next sonogram @ 32 weeks, but I'm almost 100% on going ahead with it.  I have 10 weeks until I get to see and hold this baby.  I still can't believe it sometimes.  I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but I am so truly blessed and thankful to God for my son and this newest baby.  I am not without my own trials that I've had to face, but I have been fortunate to get pregnant on my own, without medical intervention, maintain a healthy pregnancy and deliver (even if by c-section) a healthy, happy handsome little boy.  AND I am fortunate to again been able to conceive, and so far so good on maintaining a healthy pregnancy and I pray it will continue to a problem free delivery and a happy, healthy baby.

K and I got married in August of 2001.  And although we didn't immediately start trying to have a baby, we didn't prevent it either.  I've battled with female troubles since I was 14 years old.  Had my first D&C @ 14 then had to have another @ 16.  My hormones have never cooperated and were in *wacky* mode all the time.  Skipping a period or 2 then bleeding non-stop for the better part of 8 weeks.  I have been put on probably 3/4 of the birth control pills known to man in order to try to regulate my cycle.  Some worked, some didn't.  I've had ovarian cysts in the past as well.  After I got married, I began weaning myself off the BC pills...hoping that my cycles would continue to be normalish.  And for a while they were.  Normalish for me is just having a cycle once a month.  I never have and never will be an every xx day kinda girl.  One month it'll be a 25 days cycle, the next month it's 32 days.  Long story short, after a few months I kicked the BC completely and was cycling once a month.  The months passed, and so did the years and I never conceived.  Hubs and I pretty much gave up on the notion of it happening for us.  We talked and thought about fertility treatments of various sorts and the potential of having to consider IVF if Clomid wasn't successful.  And IVF was just something we could not afford.  We just didn't have that kind of money to put out in a chunk.  So we decided that if God had planned for us to have a child or children, then it would happen.  It was out of our hands.  God did have a plan and he did give us a beautiful son.  He decided when, not me.  You know, 6+ years is a long time when you are TTC.  I know what the longing feels like.  I know that twinge you feel when you see mothers with their babies.  When you see friends and family having babies, and there you sit with an empty womb and empty arms.  I was never jealous, but I did hope that one day, I'd have a baby of my own to love and cherish.

I follow many blogs.  And I have been there with you when you have written about your disappointment of a BFN.  The profoundness of experiencing a loss, be it before or after a delivery.  I have sat here and shed countless tears for you...with you.  I have prayed for you.  I have gone to bed at night thinking of you and admiring your strength, courage and faith.  For those of you that have experienced wonderful things after such heartbreak, I have laughed, jumped up and down and cried with happiness for you.  And for those still waiting, I wait with you, praying and hoping that you find the happiness you are seeking.  I'm not a stalker...seriously.  But just so you know, you have another person in your corner, rooting you on and ready to celebrate your victory.

OK, so I know that was a bit heavy so on to 29 week news.  I see my doctor again in a few weeks and I really need to ask him.  "Why does my crotch feel like it's going to fall out?"  No, really.  It's not the baby-feels-like-it-is-going-to-fall-out pressure.  It's my pelvis.  I think I can hear it crying.  It hurts SO bad.  It hurts to just walk, but if I try to swing a leg over a gate, or heck just lift it up high enough to step into the tub to take a shower it feels as though it is going to crumble.  I never had this with my first pregnancy, so I am assuming it might have something to do with only having 6 months to recover from a 9 month pregnancy and a c-section before getting pregnant again.  By week definition I am 7 months pregnant.  I've been experiencing and expecting discomforts.  But this one in particular is totally new for me.

Sleeping is off and on sucky.  Some nights are good, others...meh.  Half of it is because I get clogged and can't breathe...thank you sinuses and allergies.  I'm still tired, but I found myself needing a nap while the boy napped this morning.  Not that I felt like taking a nap.  I mean I needed it.  The babe still moves a bit erratically, which throws me into panic mode.  But I keep reminding myself as long as I feel something no matter how subtle, things are OK.  This was the part that drove me crazy with Big C.  I wanted him out because I couldn't stand not being able to *check* on him all the time.  So if he decided to take a snoozer day, I freaked thinking something was wrong.  On the same note, I wanted him in because inside he was protected from all the outside dangers.

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and I'm coming to the realization while talking to her that being a parent, a mommy isn't just hard in the sense of the word.  But I find myself worrying about Big C all the time.  I mean even in the sense of him being an adult.  I want him to grow up into a good man.  Not an alcoholic or drug addict or a player who just uses and manipulates women.  I want him to want to be a good man himself.  I don't want him doing stupid things like drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone who has.  I see news reports of someone running a child over with a car only to leave the scene and my heart stops for a moment, worried that that fate could find my son.  And that is only part of it.  More immediately the thoughts rolling in my head are how boys do silly and risky things to show off.  How am I going to teach him to be cautious without being afraid to try new things?  I mean sometimes it can be a fine line between going out for the football team and wanting to do stunts on a dirt bike.  No, really!

I don't want to be the crazy mother who never lets him do anything, or sends him out of the house with bubble wrap duct taped to his entire body.  But I also don't want to just let him "Live & Learn".  I can't.  He is a child and doesn't know *how* live and learn works!  What lesson will have been taught to him if he kills himself or ends up in the hospital paralyzed?  I am a chronic worry wart.  And yeah, I probably should be seeking therapy for it before I make my children worse than me.  For now, I'll just continue to pray that he and the baby stay safe, make good decisions and ask the Lord to keep them and protect them.  After all it is His plan and if anyone can keep them from harm, it is Him.

-MoM-

What Gives?

Holy moley! It's been 4 months since my last blog. Sorry about that. I know inquiring minds are just burning to know whats been happening with me. Well...I've been really busy being a mom. Well that and Facebook. I confess, I'm addicted. I tried Twitter and I'm just not that into tweeting. But I like Facebook. I've found so many people from my days at St. Ursula, to my High Schools days and everyone in between. I can't say I've started any fire burning relationships. Truth is, most of the people I have listed as friends (family aside of course) I wasn't all that *friendly* with in the first place. Most were acquaintances, few were friends. And all of them, with the exception of 1 or two I fell out of touch with almost as quickly as we became friends. I would like to think it's just because I moved my last year of high school and those folks I was close with never called after graduation day because my new phone number was now long distance and their parents wouldn't let them call. But, that's probably not the case. In any event, it's old news. I'm enjoying seeing what those folks are up to, their families and what things they find interest in these days, so long after school ended. Other than playing catch up, some of the games are addicting. And if I get one more invite to a farming game (Chelle) I'm gonna blow my top. They are a weakness for me and it's like everyone knows it! But, it's nice to sit back and play a little while my little guy takes a nap.

OK, so now that I've gotten Facebook out of the way....what else has been going on in the last 4 months? Hmm....well. It's been pretty much the same. The end of April saw Big C's Christening, which went well, for the most part. In a previous blog you'll see where I posted my cousin was christening her daughter, E, who is 4 weeks younger than Big C on the same day. Needless to say, the event was going really well until her wacko sister-in-law decided to show her butt and make a scene. Now, I'm not going to get into details here, because honestly you probably wouldn't care *why* she acted like a jackass. But she stormed out of the christening like....well, a jackass...braying all the way to her car. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I always say! Anywho, other than her ridiculous outburst, it went off quite nicely and everyone had a nice time.

Let's see...May. What happened in May? It was J's birthday. We celebrated with ice cream and cake and sang 'Happy Birthday'. J held Big C while we sang and he wanted the cake...badly. So we took pictures and laughed and enjoyed J's day. Nothing really notable happened the rest of the month, just the usual. June went by, pretty much the same...a pretty quiet month.

July marked our annual trip to A's house for a cookout, fireworks and good times. There were a lot more people this year, which was nice too. A and her hubby just got a pool this year so fun was had by all....except me, I didn't go swimming, but it was because I didn't want too...so don't freak out on me! Big C did really well, it was the longest he had been away from home. But when it came time for fireworks, it was difficult to get him to lay down and go to sleep. I did manage to get him to sleep, only to have him wake up 30 minutes later. He just wasn't going to sleep in someone else's home. Mommy's arms were more comfortable and he settled down and watched the fireworks from A's front lawn with awe and wonder. Everyone had fun. I also attended my 15th high school reunion. It was nice to see people from back in the days of Parkville and do a little catching up. That was lots of fun. Some other things have happened during the month of July, but I'll keep them under wraps for now.

Other than that, I've just been spending my days being a Mommy and watching Big C grow and develop. I can hardly believe he is 7 months old already. Where did the time go? I can remember thinking he was so small in my arms and now I nearly throw out my back lifting him! But I cannot say it enough, I love this little boy. I adore him and yes, there are days he drives me bananas, but I wouldn't change anything. I am so Blessed, so thankful and so fortunate to have such an amazing little child in my life. As far as this month goes, K and I celebrated our 8th anniversary on August 11th. Again I feel Blessed and fortunate to have such an amazing man as my husband, father of my child and best friend. I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him, having more children with him and experiencing what life has to offer us, together.

I'll end this entry here since Big C is waking up from his nap and is ready for some lunch! Until next time...

-MoM-

Time Rolls On...And Some Other Stuff

Whether you like it or not, time indeed rolls on. It's inevitable. I am watching my son grow before my very eyes...like a weed! Already in just 2 months he's grown over 3 inches. I'm am taking as many pictures of him as I can right now, because I know I'll blink my eyes and he'll be a year old and I'll wonder where my precious little newborn went.

Speaking of pictures, I purchased a new point and shoot digital camera yesterday. K has the fancy DSLR with which he takes amazing shots with. I...am not that talented. But, I'm learning on this little one since his camera is a bit more complicated.

Let me just take this moment to vent some frustration. I was ready to blow a gasket while at a certain chain store that begins with a "T" and ends with a "get". I walk up to the electronics counter, and the young man running it was sitting on a stool with his chin resting in his hands, doing nothing. He stood up and asked if I needed help and I said, "Yes, I want to purchase one of those." So he went digging around and came up from under the counter and said, "Sorry we are out of stock." I said, "Okay, what about this one then?" Again he went digging and said, "We are out of those too." So I went down a bit further and said, "Okay then, this one." This time he clicked his scanner and told me they didn't have any in the store. K and I had done our research on cameras and had our choice narrowed down to those three, which the store had NONE of, yet they were all sitting out on display. I was a nanosecond from blowing my top and getting snarky by saying, "Well do you want to tell me what you DO have?" But I bit my tongue. I wasn't in the best of moods to begin with as Big C was getting cranky and I was ready to get out of there. I wasn't expecting a treasure hunt. So I just left and came home.

What had me so darn fuming mad was the fact that this guy was sitting on his tookus not doing a thing, then when he gets a customer who is ready to purchase a pricey piece of electronics, he doesn't know what he has, what he doesn't have, when it will be in, if it will be in...nope, nothing, nada, zip. If it had been me working there, I wouldn't have been resting on my laurels like I didn't have a thing to do unless I could tell customers exactly what we had in stock, what we were out of and when to expect it to come in. You walk up to my counter and ask for a specific camera, "No ma'am, we are out of stock on this model and the following other models." Why play a guessing game of..."Ohhh I wonder if this one is in stock...or this one!?" Don't waste my time! I did finally get to purchase one at a different location, which also had many out of stock. At least the young man at that store knew his job and rattled off exactly what he had instead of making me ask about each and every one of them.

Okay, I'm done with my rant. :-)

In more unfortunate news, I found out from a friend yesterday that another very dear friend who I've known for quite sometime was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He used to run karaoke and a group of us became friends and followed him wherever he did gigs. He also ran revue shows at places like drive-ins and car shows where several of our group would sing and perform for entertainment during the shows. Several months back he suffered a stroke and never recovered fully. Because of the illness he is too sick to have chemo. So he will be home on hospice and they estimated about 2 months. He has suffered other illness as well, being diabetic and dealing with that. This just breaks my heart. He really is a wonderful person, fun to be around and very kind-hearted and sweet.

My uncle, who was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 Augusts ago isn't doing very well either. He's been in and out of the hospital several times over the last few months. He's starting his second round of chemo, but even then my cousin told me they think he only has about 6 months. Cancer is such a horrible disease, striking at any time, no matter the age or the physical health and ripping life away. My family has been touched with it more than I'd like to admit. I just hope that it won't touch any more of us.

It's been snowing here and we've got just about 6 inches or so. It's deeper in some spots because of the windy conditions and the drifts. I'm not a huge fan of snow, but I do enjoy it. I think what I like most about it is that while it is falling, everything is so quiet. So muted that you could hear a pin drop. And I have to admit it is beautiful too. The way it clings to the needles of evergreens and perches on the finger-like bare branches of the maples and oaks we have surrounding the house. What's miserable is the driveway. It's about 200 feet long and the plow stops at the end of the road with all the snow piling up at the end of our drive. Good thing we have a snow blower. It's being used for the first time this year. It began last night and finished right around noon today. Reminds me of a poem my Grandma used to say...

The March wind doth blow and we shall have snow, And what will poor robin do then, poor thing? He’ll sit in a barn and keep himself warm and hide his head under his wing, poor thing.

In like a lion, let's hope it goes out like a lamb. It's not unheard of to have snow in April. Although I'd rather have hyacinths! Anyway, it's time for me to go, it's nearly time to feed Big C again. Here is a pic taken with the new camera although K snapped it so that's why it's a really good one. ;) Stay warm everyone and take the time to go play in the snow if you can!

-MoM-