Saturday, April 27, 2013

Scream Free Parenting 101

I'm not teaching, I'm the student.  I stumbled across a book I bought for my Kindle app way back when Big C was just a wee infant.  Determined that I was going to rock this parenting thing and do everything right.  Then he began to grow up.  And I began to question what is *right*?  I starting realizing that there isn't a right way.  What works for one child, doesn't for another. So then what do you do?  When everyone says time outs are the answer but your child could care less, what do you do?

I know what I do did.

I yelled. Screamed. Made my frustrations verbal.  I was throwing a tantrum, at 37 years old because my child didn't listen to me.  My child is throwing a tantrum because I am not listening to him. Hmm, this is rather reciprocal isn't it?

I've also been discovering that what works with Big C, doesn't seem to work with Little C.  I need to get crafty about this.  The first step of changing how I'm parenting is to stop being a 37 year old toddler and yelling and screaming when things don't go my way and discover another method to get my children to respond favorably to my direction.  Not only that, but how to handle things rationally so I can then reprimand them in a way that will make then think about why it is being done.  Not just...'Mommy is yelling again.'

I've decided that I'm going to stop yelling and start listening to my kids. I am not going to scream at them.  Oh I will scream, but I am going to do my very best to make sure it is not AT them.  I will walk away, go into my room, the closet, outside and scream there.  Count until I get myself calm, then go address the situation.  I will ask them questions calmly, that way they are more apt to actually answer my questions.  If I scream "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" I will continue to get the same frightened answers of "I don't know". Not to mention it is embarrassing.  I do everything in my power to not yell at my children in public.  Why?  Because I don't want people looking at me like I am a bad mother or that I can't handle having a child?  Yes, that is part of it.  That and because I know I should be able to handle things in a mature manner.  So why shouldn't I employ that at home as well?  Why aren't I doing everything I can to not yell at them at home? Plus, I just don't want to be a screamo shrill mother.  I mean screamo is appropriate for some stuff, like Cradle of Filth.  But overall I'm not a big fan of screamo in my music choices.  Why should I be content with that kind of parenting? I'm not and I'm going to attempt to change it.

Will I have set backs and failures?  You betcha. Am I going to just lose my crap and go off. Mhmm, I will.  But I'm sure my children are going to appreciate my not doing it *every* time.  Will my children respond better to me?  I hope so.  I know 1 thing for sure.  Yelling and screaming doesn't get me results.  It doesn't work.  That is why I don't want to do it anymore.  Their little brains are so complex to me.  It's time I stop trying to hammer and ram the pieces of their puzzles into place.  Gently piecing and discovering the right pattern is my new goal.  I have a feeling they will fit much better that way.


Monday, April 22, 2013

~ 100 ~

One Hundred Things About Me -- For My 100th Post (in random order)

1. I'm baking a Jewish Apple cake while I type this.
2. I'm addicted to office supplies.  Mostly pens, clips and Post It notes.
3. My most favorite thing in the entire world is kisses from my children.
4. I hate clutter, but I keep finding it.
5. I love to read, but have dry spells that can go a year or more.
6. I prefer cake over pie.
7. I think I can't stand my brother, but I know that I really love him.
8. I don't have many friends. The ones I do have, I don't talk to as often as I'd like.
9. I procrastinate.
10. I miss breeding and showing dogs.
11. I sing songs to torment my kids, just like my Mom did to me.
12. My normal body temperature is 97.9° F.
13. I miss singing karaoke.
14. I love to cook & bake.
15. Watching Spongebob Squarepants is my dirty little secret.
16. I'm terrified that either of my children might get a fatal illness.
17. I know more about dinosaurs because of my son than I ever could have imagined.
18. I miss my Mom and wish she were here to watch the kids grow..
19. I have never been whale watching, but would like to someday.
20. I have had surgery 4 times. My right eye, right leg & ankle and 2 c-sections.
21. I used to have a flower garden.
22. My favorite color is Orange.
23. My children are my life.
24. I love the smell of puppy breath.
25. I wish I'd gotten my judges license.
26. My Mother was going to name me either Margaret, after her, or Heather, but chose Stacey instead.
27. I never learned to ice skate, and I really don't want to learn.
28. I love the sounds of the night in the country.
29. One day I'd like to see the Northern Lights.
30. I wish I could knock this house down and custom build its replacement.
31. I had a hard time choosing names for my children. If Big C was a girl, he would have been named Aurora Margaret. If Little C had been a boy, she would have been Nolan James.
32. I wish I could do carpentry and basic electrical stuff.
33. I still have a hard time believing K loves me as much as he does sometimes.
34. I miss wearing a watch.
35. I am a psycho mom, never letting my kids out of my sight.
36. I miss my Grandmother.
37. I wish I'd had more time with my Grandfather.  I have only a few warm wonderful memories of him.
38. K was my first love.
39. I appear super outgoing and chatty to people, but I'm really not.
40. I love the smell of cut grass.
41. My oldest friend is Shannon.
42. I rarely eat ice cream.
43. I look at pictures of my children when they were babies and cry being overwhelmed with love.
44. I am very conservative.
45. I hate onions, the texture not the taste.
46. I am afraid to die and leave my children motherless.
47. I just bought my first firearm.
48. It will be followed by more.
49. I can't stay up as late as I used too without suffering the consequences.
50. I have arthritis in my knees.
51. My favorite holiday is Halloween, I love doing the make-up.
52. I am a hard core soda drinker, mostly diet, but I want to kick the habit.
53. I have been cigarette free for 4 years.
54. I love snowballs.
55. I dissect my steak/meat before eating it.
56. I have never done illegal drugs.
57. I cannot have certain foods touching on my plate.
58. I have been out of school for 19 years.
59. I am not a cat person.
60. I am a great bubblegum blower.
61. As of today, I will be a Karate Mom.
62. My second favorite color is yellow.
63. I am a good listener.
64. Sometimes Christmas music makes me cry.
65. I love God, but don't always understand Him.
66. My favorite sounds are my children saying, "I Love You, Mommy"
67. I craved Ice Pops & snowballs when I was pregnant with both my children.
68. I am so tired of stinkbugs!
69. I sing in the car...loudly.
70. My favorite animal is the Elephant.
71. I like wide open, green places.
72. I am terrified of tornadoes.
73. I ♥ Doctor Who!
74. I am pretty sure I will always be a fan of Christopher Walken.
75. I miss K's father.
76. I rode an elephant once when I was a kid.
77. I have been on an airplane 2 times.
78. I have been to 12 of the continental United States.
79. I've been wiping butts for 4 years.
80. I was pregnant 18 out of 24 consecutive months.
81. I've assisted in C-Sections on my dogs.
82. I am working on being a scream-free parent.
83. I wish I were healthier and in better shape.
84. I'm working on it.
85. I love a gorgeous kitchen, too bad I don't have one.
86. The perfect temperature for me is 78° F
87. My blood pressure was once 223/109, I was in a lot of pain.
88. I am sucked into the show Black Orphan.
89. Labyrinth is still one of my favorite movies -- Little C's too now.
90. I only have 1 sibling, a brother, J.
91. Sometimes get baby rabies and want a 3rd child.
92. I am completely content with the 2 I have.
93. I am blessed to have K as my husband.
94. I wish K's family lived a bit closer to we could see them more often.
95. I used to wear acrylic nails, I don't anymore.
96. I haven't cut, colored or highlighted my hair in over 6 months.
97. I wear shoes until they get holes in them or fall apart.
98. I buy clothes once every few years.
99. My birthday is January 5th.
100. I'm addicted to carbohydrates and need to kick the habit.

It was so hard coming up with 100 things about myself. Easy to see I'm not a frequent blogger since it took me 4 years to get to 100 posts.  So here is to the next 100, eh?  Cheers!


Thursday, April 18, 2013's Not Just A Word Game

It is what I find my mind doing a lot lately.  I'm a passionate person.  Anyone who really knows me can tell you that.  I've felt myself pulled from one end of the emotion spectrum to the other in recent months.  I'm pretty happy with life at the moment, where it concerns my family.  Its the outside world that just boggles, terrifies and fills me with dismay and hope at the same time.  Being a passionate person, I'm not very lukewarm on any issue.  I don't always see things black and white. But when I see it clearly as one or the other, I hold my ground.  Everything from abortion, to terrorism to economy to the 2nd Amendment, I have my own very clear lines drawn.  But what I can't seem to wrap my head around is if people are really actually listening to what they are saying? Or are they taking sides based on what mainstream media tells them to believe rather than make up their own minds and look at the big picture?  I don't know.

I want to talk about some of the things I have on my mind in the next few weeks.  Some of is a bit older, but still on every ones mind, like the Newtown shooting.  Others will be as recent as the bombings at the Boston Marathon.  Some will be international, such at the passing of Margaret Thatcher, and intimately local, like the gun legislation in my state.  I doubt I will discuss them in chronological order, but rather how it applies to what I am feeling at the time.  I'll also have some tidbits of non-current event what's happening in my life and with the kids etc peppered in between I'm sure.  We've had our own brush with tragedy in the past 6 months that I will eventually share as well.

 I'm not a political analyst. No, I'm not a political blogger or a journalist.  But I am a mother.  This is the world my children are growing up in.  These issues are important to me not because of how it affects me, but how it affects my children now, and in the future.  So if you are wondering why I'm talking about these things, when my blog is dedicated to my children and family, you now know.  Everything that happens in this world directly affects them....sooner or later.


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