Saturday, April 27, 2013

Scream Free Parenting 101

I'm not teaching, I'm the student.  I stumbled across a book I bought for my Kindle app way back when Big C was just a wee infant.  Determined that I was going to rock this parenting thing and do everything right.  Then he began to grow up.  And I began to question what is *right*?  I starting realizing that there isn't a right way.  What works for one child, doesn't for another. So then what do you do?  When everyone says time outs are the answer but your child could care less, what do you do?

I know what I do did.

I yelled. Screamed. Made my frustrations verbal.  I was throwing a tantrum, at 37 years old because my child didn't listen to me.  My child is throwing a tantrum because I am not listening to him. Hmm, this is rather reciprocal isn't it?

I've also been discovering that what works with Big C, doesn't seem to work with Little C.  I need to get crafty about this.  The first step of changing how I'm parenting is to stop being a 37 year old toddler and yelling and screaming when things don't go my way and discover another method to get my children to respond favorably to my direction.  Not only that, but how to handle things rationally so I can then reprimand them in a way that will make then think about why it is being done.  Not just...'Mommy is yelling again.'

I've decided that I'm going to stop yelling and start listening to my kids. I am not going to scream at them.  Oh I will scream, but I am going to do my very best to make sure it is not AT them.  I will walk away, go into my room, the closet, outside and scream there.  Count until I get myself calm, then go address the situation.  I will ask them questions calmly, that way they are more apt to actually answer my questions.  If I scream "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" I will continue to get the same frightened answers of "I don't know". Not to mention it is embarrassing.  I do everything in my power to not yell at my children in public.  Why?  Because I don't want people looking at me like I am a bad mother or that I can't handle having a child?  Yes, that is part of it.  That and because I know I should be able to handle things in a mature manner.  So why shouldn't I employ that at home as well?  Why aren't I doing everything I can to not yell at them at home? Plus, I just don't want to be a screamo shrill mother.  I mean screamo is appropriate for some stuff, like Cradle of Filth.  But overall I'm not a big fan of screamo in my music choices.  Why should I be content with that kind of parenting? I'm not and I'm going to attempt to change it.

Will I have set backs and failures?  You betcha. Am I going to just lose my crap and go off. Mhmm, I will.  But I'm sure my children are going to appreciate my not doing it *every* time.  Will my children respond better to me?  I hope so.  I know 1 thing for sure.  Yelling and screaming doesn't get me results.  It doesn't work.  That is why I don't want to do it anymore.  Their little brains are so complex to me.  It's time I stop trying to hammer and ram the pieces of their puzzles into place.  Gently piecing and discovering the right pattern is my new goal.  I have a feeling they will fit much better that way.


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