Honest Scrap Award

Back on July 25th I received this award from my wonderful friend, Shannon at Confessions of a Resilient Survivor. I've not blogged in a long time so when she reminded me of it, I made a new entry in order to catch up, but did not do an entry for the award. Thank you, Shannon, I've never gotten an award before so it's really cool! The requirements of the award are simple: List the 10 things most people do not know about me. Here we go:

1. I miss my Mom more and more each day that passes. Since I became a mother myself, her absence is hitting me harder. I would really love to have her here to go to for advice, to watch her hold my son, hug him, kiss him and be just plain insane over him, like I know for sure she would have been. When the stresses of being a mommy push me to tears, I wish she was here for me to go to and get a big hug from her and understanding nod from someone who has been there done that and could write the book on it. Now that I am pregnant with my second child, I feel those emotions and desires flooding back again even stronger. Wonder how am I gonna do this with two. However, even though she may not be here physically, I know she is watching out for me. I know she is with me and that she is hugging my babies every chance she gets, I just can't see it.

2. Sometimes, I don't enjoy being a dog breeder. It can be heart-breaking. It is my clear passion and has been since I was a kid. It was something my Mom and I did as a team. I put countless hours into raising puppies. Money, I don't even want to begin to think of how much I've spent over the years. But it's a hobby that I love, and one that hurts too. Nothing sucks more than sitting up all night feeding, caring for and nurturing those sweet little angels only to have one or more take a turn for the worse and all your hard work is for naught. Or losing your bitch during an emergency c-section. It is something that is so rewarding...not only because I have produced wonderfully well-rounded, healthy and structurally sound puppies worthy of being champions. But when the right puppy is placed with the right family...the joy it brings them is something than cannot be manufactured. It makes my heart sing when I hear folks say, "This is the most amazing dog we have ever owned. She/He is like one of our children and we have never been so happy." But the endless nights crying and holding a puppy who is cold, lifeless and gasping for it's last breath is overwhelming. And I tell myself all the time that I just can't do this anymore, that it hurts too much. The next time around, I think things might be better, so I try again. Must just be a glutton for punishment.

3. I'm addicted to office supplies. Specifically pens. I don't know why, I just am. I love having all different types of them at my disposal, though I don't and never will use them all, I can't seem to just toss them.

4. I haven't bought a new pair of sneakers in 14 years. I'm still wearing the same ones. I just haven't found ones that I really like yet.

5. I'm actually a very shy person at heart. I push myself to be outgoing and talkative because no one wants to be friends with a wall flower. It seems like I make friends easily, but I don't. I make acquaintances easily. Friends, well I've only made a handful over the years that I actually consider "friends". I'm learning to trust people less and less. And that is so sad.

6. I love classical music. I couldn't tell you which piece was composed by whom or even the name of the piece. I just know I enjoy listening to it.

7. I have recurring dreams of tornadoes and they freak me out. A phobia perhaps, but not one in which I cannot function in my everyday life. I'm just plain scared of them and I fear for my family and my animals if one were to hit. Needless to say, you'll never find me living in Tornado Alley.

8. I don't like cats. I don't hate them, but they aren't my pets of choice, although I always find myself with one around. Perhaps if they were more like dogs I'd like them alot more.

9. There are so many things I want to do with and in and on my home, but I'll never get to do it. I will never be able to afford it. I enjoy dreaming about what I could do to make things more like I'd prefer. I know they are pipe dreams and will never happen.

10. I worry about my family all the time. We have our share of health problems. But those people inside these walls are my life. The only family I have. And between their age and health issues, I find myself scared of the inevitable coming too soon. Sure I know I'll never be prepared. And I started my family late, which is no ones fault. I just want everyone to have enough time to enjoy one another. It's bad enough my children will not know their Grandmother, I want them to have a good solid knowledge of who their family is and how much they are loved by them.

Thank you again for the award, Shannon. I'm not passing it on just yet, I don't really have anyone in mind. But when I do, I will make sure to pass it along.

-MoM-