We've Set A Date

At today's OB appointment the Dr. and I set the date of my elective c-section.  March 24th.  Of course should I go into labor and have the baby vaginally a few days before then, I'm not going to complain. :)  I have a sonogram scheduled for this Friday and provided the baby is not in the greater than 95th percentile, then we are a green light for attempting a VBAC.  Naturally this will not be my last sonogram, I'll probably have another done about a week before my c-section date.  And if still in the clear it's a go and I can cancel the c-section.

I would just like to mention for the record that I am quite fond of both of my OB doctors.  They took such good care of Big C and I and again they've been taking wonderful care of the new babe and myself.  Just two very caring and compassionate men who want nothing more than to see you with a happy, healthy baby in your arms.  I'm hoping perhaps this time around I can get a picture of the two of them holding the babe after delivery.  I missed the opportunity with Big C.

Today's visit went well.  Baby has been moving a lot and the heartbeat was nice and strong.  He or she even gave a few good, swift kicks to the Doppler as we listened.  I've scheduled my appointments up until my c-section/due date.  My cousin, A is gracious enough to take on the task of babysitting Big C while I go to the rest of my 3rd trimester appointments since they may send me over to the hospital for NST and blood pressure monitoring.  Speaking of blood pressure...it was a little high today, but nothing too concerning.  156/80  Not too bad.

We spoke about the pains in my hips and pelvis.  I told him that I did not have this pain during my first pregnancy.  He politely informed me...again that "It's gets worse with each pregnancy."  Ouch.  This does not stop me from considering a third.  The reward is way worth it.  Turns out wearing a nice and snug belly band will help with the pain and with the edema that is slowly building.  Yeah, it's no where near as bad as it is going to get.  I'll probably be whining about it all the time come 38 weeks.  I'm really looking forward to Friday.  I can't wait to see the baby.  And I've already told a few people that even if they can tell the sex, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!  It will have been 32 weeks.  If I waited for 32 weeks, I can wait the other 8 and be surprised.

Oh and just a bit of randomness...UPS just arrived and delivered the photo book I created.  It is FABULOUS!  I highly recommend using them.  This is only my first order by they were prompt and the quality is fantastic.  I made a picture book of Big C's 1st year.  A few pages of him at each month of life.  Can I tell you I just sat here, opened it to look at it and bawled like a baby looking at how much he has grown? *Le sigh*  Well, I think I'll end it here.  I've a busy 2 weeks ahead and I'll try to give my 32 weeks update on Thursday...if not, I'll wait until Friday and do it with a sonogram update.  My Little Bear is sick with a crappy cold...he's shooting serious snot rockets and coughs a lot, sometimes to the point of throwing up...poor baby.  I'm picking some decongestant cough syrup up for him from the doctor tonight in hopes it will make him more comfortable while he battles this cold.

-MoM-

Teething Troubles or Something More?

Heck if I know.  But it's quarter after 9 at night and he was blissfully asleep at 8:30.  Awake now and I heard K go in to hush him back to sleep.  He's been miserable ALL day.  I don't mean cranky...I mean downright pissed at the world.  Refusing to eat, throwing things around and it seemed that no one could make him happy.  Secretly that last part kinda made me feel good, but just a smidge because lately it seems as though he views me as Mommy Dearest and prefers everyone else in the world to me.

Good news is he has his 1 year check up scheduled.  Bad news is it's next Monday.  If it's just a teething issue, I'm fine to sort it out and deal with it.  I'm a little weary of an ear infection.  He does touch the sides of his head, but not really tugging at ears and there is no fever...for now.  I don't want to freak out, so I'm leaning toward teething.  He has had 8 teeth since about August/September.  The first molar showed up last month and has broken through about half way.  It could be that one too I guess.  He refuses to let me anywhere near his mouth.  Whether it's because his mouth hurts or he's just so pissed about something he doesn't want to be mucked around with...I cannot say.

Honestly, I just want my kid to feel better.  I really don't like abhor not being able to soothe him.  It totally makes me feel like a big, fat failure.  Add to that my already feeling *put out* by the fact that his father, grandfather and uncle can do no wrong and are completely worthy of picking him up and snuggling while I am not and you have The Sourpuss Complex.  What?  I'm adult enough to admit it.  So, it might be a phase, doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.  I am happy that he is bonding with his father.  No easy feat mind you when Daddy is gone 14.5 hours a day due to work/commuting.  That part does thrill me.  Plus my husband gets the interaction with him that he wants, craves and rightly deserves from his son.  Win/win on that one.

I am completely thankful that my husband is off tomorrow for MLK's birthday.  I've been missing him a lot.  I treasure our weekends together.  Even if it is filled with laundry, running errands, grocery shopping and cramming everything you can't do during the week because he gets home @ 7:30 pm.  We haven't had a day to ourselves since before Big C was born.  With the exception of going to my high school reunion back in July.  But that was hardly a chance for he and I to spend alone time together in order to reconnect.  Truth is, I don't really want to leave Big C at home or with my cousin while he and I go out.  I know I need to, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that just yet.  I've been OK with leaving him with Ashley when I've had a dentist appointment or OB appointment.  But when I'm with K, no Big C would seem like a part of us is missing.  Silly....yeah, I know.  But it is what it is.  I may try to have an afternoon with the hubs if A can take him for an afternoon.  We may attempt to go to a movie and grab some lunch.  We'll see how it goes.

Seems like the tyke has fallen back to sleep.  I know it's early, but I think I'm going to follow suit.  Between being pregnant and Big C waking up...there isn't much sleep to be had around here lately.  Gotta get it where and when you can.

-MoM-

Just When You Thought You Had It Made

I know babies cry.  Big C cried.  All. The. Time.  Call it what you will...colic, gas, reflux, hunger (For the first 8 days I tried to EBF and wound up starving my kid rather than nourishing him since I just couldn't make more than a drop of BM.  I even took drugs to boost production and came up empty), or constipation.  All I know is one day my husband looked at me the night before Big C's 2 month appointment and said, "Ask he why he does nothing but cry...constantly."

To Big C's credit, he didn't cry "constantly".  Just when he wasn't sleeping (which were 15-30 minute intervals) and when he wasn't eating.  K and I were both seriously sleep deprived and snapping at one another like crocodiles over a chicken leg.  He was getting up at 4:30am to head to work, only to come home at 6:30-7:30pm to a screaming child and a wife begging for him to take said screaming child for a few hours so she could sleep.  I was getting up with him around the clock, and even though I let K sleep, I'd say it wasn't exactly as *sound* as he'd have liked it to be. 

Then, something miraculous happened.  I discovered rice cereal, put him to sleep in his swing and he was also getting older.  The rice cereal helped him keep food down.  He started spitting up a lot so this helped make it a bit heavier.  The swing kept him upright and the motion lulled him to sleep.  I also give chops to the sound machine I purchased from Homedics.  The projector and ocean and rain sounds helped too...and still are!  Time went on and he began to sleep longer...although only taking 15 minute power naps during the day.

I won't get into the transition from bassinet to crib...that was a task in and of itself that was a source of great frustration for hubs and I but we got through it.  But I digress.  Big C began to grow out of his colic, reflux whatever you wish to label it, and I had a very happy content baby.  Who has remained that way, for the most part...up until last night.  What happened last night was a cold slap into reality and just a reminder that sleepless nights are approaching with the birth of the new baby in a few months.  But it wasn't just the sleepless night.  It was a culmination of what motherhood parenthood really is about.

Big C just turned a year old on Friday, New Year's Eve.  So he's way past the newborn stuff.  He has been cutting a bicuspid throughout the last week or so, which I know is a stress to him since he is chewing on his thumb more often, drooling again and cranky.  Some Motrin usually helps and he is his jolly self once again.  Occasionally, I have been a bonehead and put him to bed without a dose of Tylenol or Motrin to help with the pain of his teething and he'll wake up between 3 and 4am.  I give him a sippy cup of formula, a dose of meds, we play and snuggle for 30 minutes or so and he happily goes back to sleep until he wakes in the morning his usual time.

Last night was a Mommy bonehead night.  Put him to bed at 8:30pm and he did nothing but cry in the crib.  OK, this is odd.  I realized he hadn't eaten as much as he normally does at dinner because he was being cranky and slapping the spoon out of my hands and flat out refusing to eat.  OK well everyone tells you when kiddies do that, they don't want any more!  He was fine otherwise.  Happily playing on the floor with toys after being taken out of the highchair until it was bedtime.  So K went in and got him at 9:15pm and brought him into the bedroom where I gave him a cup of formula and a animal cracker.  He seemed content and happy at that point.  I changed his diaper so he wasn't wet in the least and K took him back to the crib at 9:50pm.  Soon as he walked away the crying resumed.  He and I just looked at each other decided to give him a few minutes and maybe he'd settle himself.

The crying crescendoed into flat out hysterical screaming so K went in again and got him, it was now 10:29pm.  This time Big C had gotten himself so wound up that he was coughing until he threw up.  Three times.  Not a lot mind you.  Nothing projectile...we had that back when Big C had gotten his first cold.  Just the kind when you cough too hard and too deep and up a little bit of ick will come.  However, it did get on his PJs so I stripped him down, changed his diaper again, just in case (I'm a diaper nazi...I can't put a child to bed even with a drop of wetness in there) and after he was settled offered him a drink, which he took.  At this point this child was exhausted.  I could see the bluish purple circles under his eyes and he was rubbing his eyes fiercely and blinking repeatedly fighting to keep them open.

I proceeded to give him some Motrin, figuring it might be pain from the tooth coming in.  He clutched his Pooh bear and rolled to his side on the bed, along the side of my leg and I just shushed him like I did when he was a newborn and rubbed his back.  Still staring at the ceiling and blinking to keep from going to sleep I decided to pull out the secret weapon and began stroking his forehead and pushing his hair back.  He couldn't resist and finally closed his eyes.  K, in zombie-like form got up after a few minutes and picked him up and took him back to his crib.  It was 12:05am.  I heard Big C stir a bit and K comfort him in a hushed tone over the monitor.  Then I heard something that sounded like...*Scrrraaape, thummp, creeeak, scrrrape*

Next thing I know is Big C starts screaming, I see fur fly past the bedroom door and K comes racing in the room, across the bed and nearly dives off the side, reaching down under his side of the bed, knocking a few things off the night stand.  Up comes he and his arm from the floor and he's holding the cat, Mo and shoves her down the hallway and yells, "Stay out of his room!"  Yeah.  Nice one, Mo.  He had Big C almost fully asleep when she insisted to paw, then literally slam herself against the door in order to get it open to get to K.  Seriously the cat is up his arse and it annoys me.  But then again I never have been a cat person per say.  To continue, K goes in and settles our son once again and has a staring contest with him over the next 20 minutes.  He finally comes into the bedroom exhausted proclaiming that the screaming will begin because the kid just refuses to close his eyes.  To our surprise, several minutes went by and no screaming. 

I can't tell you how proud of ourselves we were.  I mean aside form being worried that our son was seriously sick or starting with an ear infection or something, we were working it out together and managed to get the little guy to settle down and go to sleep after all!  He looked at me and I at him and gave each other a little smile and laid our weary heads on our pillows.  We can totally do this!  We are good parents!

At 1:50am blood curdling screaming ripped our eye lids open and we both fly out of bed.  I panic.  My mind begins racing.

OK...if this was teething, the Motrin would have taken enough of the edge off that a completely spent and exhausted child would sleep...and for more than an hour.  Maybe it's an earache?  I haven't seen him tug at his ears at all.  But maybe he wouldn't.  Not all babies are the same.  He might just cry.  But it wasn't constant crying.  Don't they cry ALL the time with an earache?  And they have a fever don't they?  He had no fever. Wait?  Did I hear him fart?  Maybe it's gas?  I am such a horrible mother!  My baby is sick and I don't know what's wrong with him and all I can do is try to hush him and put him to bed!

We bring him back to our bed and I'm fighting back tears.  I feel helpless.  Just like I did when he was an infant and I couldn't breastfeed him.  And just like when I couldn't take his pain from reflux, gas, colic away.  I thought this was supposed to get easier?

It turns out, he was a bit gassy as he dropped a few more barking spiders than what I know as "normal" for him.  But I was having a hard time figuring out why?  He did have hiccups when K first put him to bed earlier that night....he could have swallowed air from them.  Although, he never did grab at his belly or kick his legs in a way that would make me suspicious of belly trouble.  After a few minutes I decided that if it was indeed gas, then the culprit was the scrambled egg he ate in the morning for breakfast.  I've offered it to him before but he usually gagged and spit it out.  Something about the texture.  But this morning, he happily chomped it down.  It was the only thing different that he had eaten.  Everything else he's had upteen times before.

So...I laid my baby down on my bed, hubs laying parallel to him and I rubbed his back, belly, legs and arms all the while shushing him quietly.  He clutched his Pooh bear to his chest and stared up at me and the ceiling.  I began stroking his forehead and gently pushing his hair back and with each lazy stroke his beautiful but very tired blue eyes fluttered and finally closed, and he fell asleep.  My husband looked at me and head motioned to the crib and I shook my head.  K just lay his head down and went to sleep with Big C.  I, opened a book, Raising Boys, by Dr. Dobson and continued reading where I left off the night before.  It's excellent so far and I recommend it for both mothers and fathers of boys.

I'm nearly 7 months pregnant and so it's no surprise that my back, ribs and pelvis start to ache when sitting up for a long time.  I needed to lay down, on my side for a while.  But I just sat and continued to read for about 2 hours, making sure my little boy got some sleep.  K stirred at 4am and looked at me as I closed my book and nodded to him.  I watched as he picked our limp darling boy up off the bed, snoozing blissfully and carried him to his crib.  He walked into the bedroom a moment later and we waited.  Quiet.  Only the sound of the rain falling on his noise machine.

I am happy to say he did sleep until about 8:30am.  K and I felt like zombies, but the boy was in better spirits this morning.  I've been dosing him with some Milicon to help rid him of any residual gas, even though I'm not 100% sure that was the issue.  I know I won't be feeding him eggs again...for a very, very long time.  Even managed to get him to take 2 decent naps today with little protesting on his part.  We shall see what tonight brings.  This experience made me realize that it does not get easier.  My cousin A, who I've mentioned often in my blog has 4 children ages 8, 5, soon to be 4 and soon to be 1.  One day I called her with a question and she was refereeing the kids while in the car and she said to me,  

"It doesn't get easier...it gets...different."

That has to be the best advice on parenting I've heard so far.  A has just started her own blog, just a little something to jot down things she never wants to forget.  We'll see how it evolves.  If you'd like to read it sometime, you can find it here.  So to all those new and expectant moms out there who happen across my blog, I am passing that advice on to you.  It will not get easier...but it will get different.  Parenting is the most difficult thing I've ever done.  It is also something I wouldn't change for anything else in the world.  I fear at times that I'm not a good mom, but you know what?  I'm a damn good mother.  I make sure my child is never in need of anything.  I play with him, I teach him and most important, I listen to him.  I don't always know what he is trying to tell me, but I do listen.  This journey into parenthood is like nothing I've ever attempted before and there is no going back.  I feel privileged to be given the opportunity to take the ride.

-MoM-

Merry Christmas Eve and 27 Weeks!

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I'm excited...and tired.  Seems I end nearly everything with "I'm tired" these days. *Smiles* But that's OK.  I have a very good reason for it. *wink* I can hardly believe that I'm under the 100 day mark.  We are sitting at 91 days left to go.  I'm headed out of the 2nd Trimester and into the 3rd! Only 3 months left! I still haven't made my mind up if I'm going to just schedule a c-section or try for a VBAC this time.  I'm still at the "Let's wait and see" point.  I do find myself going back and forth with it.  

I'm feeling "Lil' Stinker" move regularly which always puts a smile on my face.  Waiting for a sleepy baby to move has to be one of the most nerve wracking things ever in pregnancy.  Not to mention with it being holiday time, the last thing I would want to have to do is call the doctor (on Christmas) with worries about the babe not moving to drag him out and get walloped just as he walks through the office door.  So I pray baby decides to be active, but not have such a party that he/she rocks themselves out to the point of having to take the whole day off to rest to make up for the partying this weekend.  My next appointment is Monday.  I am assuming my glucose challenge test came back normal, they didn't call me to tell me it was otherwise, so that is a relief.  

You know, I wish I would have done the same thing I see other bloggers have done with their pregnancies...weekly updates on how you are feeling, cravings, milestones and best part of the week, etc.  I would have liked to do that with my first pregnancy too.  But, I was already pregnant when I began this blog, and this time around I was so caught up in Big C I nearly forgot I even had a blog!  Oh well, maybe next time...Lord willing. *smiles*  I am already feeling some aches and pains, nothing on the contraction front, just and occasional squeeze here and there.  My cousin came by today to pick up the Christmas presents she had shipped to my house for her daughters and had to double take.  She was surprised at just how *round* I am.  She just looked at me and said, "Wow, no way to mistake that pregnant belly."  I've popped considerably in the last 2 weeks.  I am waddling like a duck already, knocking things off my table and counter top and bending over....ugh...it's the pits.  I have to be holding onto something or I'm afraid I'll go overboard!  I try to avoid it as much as I can.  However, Big C takes great delight in just flinging EVERYTHING onto the floor these days.  I'm hoping it's a phase. *wink*

This is Big C's very first Christmas.  I'm thrilled to be blessed enough to experience it and discover its wonders with him. He's still too young to understand anything, but I love how I can already see the wonder and beauty of Christmas in those big blue eyes of his.  This is my best Christmas by far.  No, we aren't loaded down with presents, which don’t reflect the true meaning of Christmas anyway.  But we have some well thought out gifts for each other and those we love.  It is never about the quantity but the thought behind what was given.  My greatest gift this year is having a Christmas and a beautiful child to spend it with, for the first time since my mom passed away.  I said if I ever had a child, we would have Christmas, like we used to, again.  And we are.  I am eagerly awaiting settling down tonight, dressing Big C in his Christmas pajamas and tucking him in for the night.  We are charging the battery for the camcorder, the cameras are set and ready to go for tomorrow morning and the stockings have been hung.  Presents have been put under the tree and the last thing I'm waiting on is....baking cookies.  

Ugh.  I have all the stuff.  It's just sitting there on my counter...waiting to be put together.  And I really want to do it...because I want cookies darn it!  And not just any cookie...I was THESE cookies.  I wish they could just make themselves.  I've been preoccupied with getting presents wrapped; taking care of Big C and dealing with a whopper of a sinus infection this week...I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.  I keep saying"OK, going to do it today" and today comes and goes and it's tomorrow!  But I just don't feel like baking a boatload of cookies while I'm sick.  But I really wanna eat them.  REAL BAD.  Well, they are the yummiest cookies ever!  But anyway....I'm gonna move on, I'm depressing myself over these cookies.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.  Big C should have a ball ripping open his presents....he loves shredding paper...and eating it.  Sometimes I think he is part goat.  I know I'm going to bawl my eyes out when I put him to bed tonight because of it being the first Christmas and everything.  And I'll probably be bawling my eyes out tomorrow to while I watch him open presents.  Oh!  And his birthday....his 1st BIRTHDAY is 7 DAYS AWAY!  I can't believe it.  My bald baby...who has beautiful blonde hair now...is going to be a year old!  I'm just....I can't believe it went by so fast.  I've been busy putting plans together for his party.  Nearly everything is up in the air except for the theme.  It's a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Birthday Party.  He LOVES that show and dances to the Hot Dog song.  So while I'm ironing things out for his party, I've been gathering his Mickey Mouse stuff.  

Speaking of Big C and dancing.  There is no doubt that he is my mother's grandson.  Anyone who knew my mom knew how she loved Elvis Presley.  Seriously, I think she was his #1 fan.  I'm rather fond of his music myself and listened to a CD quite a bit while I was preggo with Big C.  But there is a commercial that comes on television for Verizon vs. AT&T and the music is Elvis singing "Blue Christmas."  Every time it comes on, Big C's head jerks around and he starts swinging his head...and hips (naturally...it's Elvis) and really getting into it.  He does the same thing when another commercial comes on with the "All Shook Up" song.  It is hilarious and at the same time just fills my heart because I know...I just know that my Mom is in there somewhere.  She gave him her love of Elvis!  *laughs*  Oh!  Yesterday, he also took his very first step...alone.  Not holding onto anything.  I nearly burst with excitement.  He only did it the one time...but hey...at least he did it!  I'm so proud of him.

I really wish K didn't have to work today.  The train is running a holiday schedule too, which means he won't get home until around 8pm.  Bummer.  I wanted to get some last minute preparations done and could use his help.  But, it will be fine.  I know why my mom loved this holiday so much.  Not only are we celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, who was the greatest gift of all.  But it is a time to celebrate all God's blessings, our families, friends and the relationships we have with them.  A time to help those in need and to pray and remember those who have suffered losses and who are less fortunate than ourselves.  So thank you, God, for giving us your only Son, Lord Jesus.  And thank you for giving me all the blessings you have this year and those past.  And I pray that you will bestow blessing upon others in the coming year!  Amen! 

Merry Christmas, and a healthy and prosperous New Year and may God bless you all!