Friday, September 3, 2010

I Have Another Addiction

Its no secret.  If you know me you know that I have several addictions.  Some I was able to give up.  I quit smoking as soon as I learned I was pregnant with Big C and never went back.  I was never addicted to alcohol, but I did drink socially and that has stopped nearly completely.  I did have 1 glass of wine a month ago and was borderline nackered from it.  But there are those that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to give up.  Carbs for example.  I've tried and I've failed miserably.  There is just no way I am ever going to be willing to give up bread.  I can't do it.  Yes, I am fluffy.  And if being thin means having to give up bread....forget it.  I'll stay that way.  My kids.  I'm hopelessly addicted to them and I never want that to change.

When I was younger though.  I was addicted to reading.  I loved it.  I was a voracious reader.  Then, I don't really know what happened.  I began slowing down.  Honestly I think the computer began taking up more of my reading time and then I just kinda stopped altogether.  Maybe I would read 1 book a year.  When I was usually reading 1-3 a week  I found myself lately really missing it.  I've yearned to read again.  But I just never seemed to find the time.  I mean, have you ever tried to read a book and bottle feed at the same time?  It is virtually impossible.  You just can't hold the book open and do that.

So here is where I will sing the praises of my husband and gush about how I love him.  For our anniversary, he bought us both Motorola Droid phones.  I think I died and went to heaven.  I wondered how I kept my sanity without it!  The apps are amazing and help me keep organized.  From the Baby ESP application, to the Jorte to keep all my appointments at my fingertips to the grocery list my K and I can share.  This thing rocks!  But then, then I found out that I can read books on it.  Are you freaking kidding me?  I can read a book on this thing?  Like, really?!

Oh yes!  I love, love, love it!  I don't have to fumble with the pages of a book trying to hold it open and do other things.  I can stand at the stove stirring and cooking dinner and read at the same time!  I can bottle feed the baby at 4am and read because I can set it down and not worry about pages closing.  I never have to *remember* to bring a book with me to the doctor's's right on my phone!  In the last 2 weeks I've been able to read 3 books!   I'm on the second book of the Twilight series....and before you snort about that, the books are really good so far. 

I am so excited to be able to read again.  And I honestly thing it has made me happier.  It has been really good for my PPD too.  It gives me a few minutes to myself that I need.  Even if I read for only 5 minutes in between tasks, just those few minutes help me get centered and reduce my anxiousness to a level I can easily deal with.  I have been even more attentive with the kids and I have been enjoying them more than ever.  I cannot count how many times I've looked at them both and felt my heart swell and nearly burst out of my chest with love for them.  They are amazing.  I always knew they were, but now I am keenly aware of just how blessed I am and I'm able to live much more int he moment with them.  Who would have thought that being able to take some time to myself reading for just a few minutes at a time could create such a wonderful, positive change.  The kids are feeling it too.  Big C and Little C both even seem more at ease, easier to put to bed/naps and they both just seem happier because I am happier.

K, I really love you for helping my get some of my life back.  Even though you didn't realize you were doing it, you did.  I'm so glad you are mine! I love you!

What helps you live more in the moment?  What do you do to give yourself some *me* time?


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